How to Stay Hip! (Age 35 and over)

Hip is like being tall. You either are, or aren’t! You don’t have to take counter measures to stay tall, but staying hip, well, hey, that’s another story. Here are ten tried and true tips that everybody over 35 can use to always stay hip.

If you know about Woodstock, then you’ve already become your parents. Learn to think of these kids today like they were James Dean transported through time to right now! Get out your Sullen youth to Rational person translator, you’ll need it!

Have that damn ponytail cut off every eighteen months! Tell your friends that you just want to see how the other side lives! Then, grow it back! Claim your gray hair is the result of that crystal meth phase you went through, back in the nineties!

If you have to talk about that old car of yours, then refer to it like it was a wounded combat buddy, one that had saved your silly ass many times! That blue Chevy…we’ve been watching each other’s backs since before ‘Nam…I just love him! Never, ever, say Peter Frampton’s name again!

You can listen to Steely Dan, if you get caught, claim you thought it was Matchbox 20!

Laughingly, recall with embarrassment your GOTH days! (Lie, if you have to!)

Don’t get caught out ahead of the pack by putting down today’s anti-war protestors. We all believe street protests almost stopped the war in the sixties. But, insulting the WTO and PETA protestors is the 21st century equivalent of your Dad saying he had to walk five miles through the snow to get to school. It just sounds bad! Don’t say it!

Stop saying: GROOVY! Stop it right now! Stop saying: COOL! Just stop it!

Try: “Biyatch wants some bling-bling!” Or: “ Jes Chillin’! ”

If you’re a Republican, just forget it, you will never be hip.

If you’re a Democrat, don’t admit to voting, but go ahead and vote.

Learn to be fluent in using the DUDE word! Use DUDE as a noun, a pronoun, Use it as both an adjective and an adverb, and most importantly, as a verb!

“What is Hip? Tell me, tell me, do you think you really know?” What can you do? Being hip, getting hip, or even understanding hip, is a state of mind. It’s kinda like Brigadoon or Bedrock, or El Paso, you gotta want to be there! Are you hip?

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