All I really need to know about how to vote and who to trust and what to believe I learned at the 2004 Republican National Convention. Wisdom was not at the top of some faded ivory tower but down there at Madison Square Garden spelled out in red, white and blue.


These are the things I learned:

Thank God George Bush is our President.[i]

GWB is the real thing.[ii]

The President displays the peace that surpasses all understanding.[iii]

Government is not God.[iv]

Win one for the Gipper.[v]

Join the Presidential Prayer Team.[vi]

George W. Bush is a real servant leader.[vii]

Knock on the door of Bush 43s heart and youll find someone home.[viii]

Watch Fox News![ix]

There is no separation between church and state.[x]

Bushie[xi] is a loving man.[xii] Through love and compassion Republicans can shape their moment in American history for great good, as did many before them.[xiii]

Even doggies love Dubya.[xiv]

When you go out in the voting booth, pray to God, pull the lever and vote Republican.


Be wary of liberals. Our country cant afford leadership that comes in 57 varieties[xv]: the Democrats vote left and they vote right and nobody really knows how or why, but they are all like that: Kerry and Edwards and Billy and Hillary and all the leaders in the DNC theyre not compassionate conservatives. But the RNC really cares.


And then remember September 11, 2004 and the first thing the entire United States felt - the most American feeling of all PATRIOTISM. Every reason given to vote for W is in there somewhere. One America with morals and values and a place for the unborn child;[xvi] A Safer World, a More Hopeful America[xvii] with even Ed Koch voting for the re-election of President George W. Bush.[xviii]

Take any one of those ideals and extrapolate it into social policy and apply it to the American family or the US government or the entire world and everything becomes right and religious and Republican. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world joined the Presidential Prayer Team and chanted Four More Years![xix] Or if all politicians really acted like there was no separation of church and state and learned how to be a servant leader just like Bush.


And it is still true, no matter how religious you say you are, when you go out to the voting booth, it is best to pull the lever and vote Republican.


[i] The Honorable Rudy Giuliani (R-NY), August 30, 2003

[ii] Ret. General Tommy Franks, September 2, 2004

[iii] Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC), August 31, 2004

[iv]Bumper sticker found in hospitality suite of the National Federation of Republican Assemblies (

[v] Gov. George Pataki (R-NY), September 2, 2004

[vi] As per advice given in video George W. Bush: Faith in the White House. Grizzly Adams Productions,

[vii] Dr. Ted Haggard, Pres., National Association of Evangelicals. George W. Bush: Faith in the White House.

[viii] Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA), September 1, 2004

[ix] Chanted by the delegates on 8-31-04 at 8:20pm

[x] The Rev. Louis Sheldon, Traditional Values Coalition speaking to NFRA prayer meeting, September 1, 2004

[xi] During Jenna and Barbara Bushs introduction of the President, Barbara noted that this is their parents favorite term of endearment for each other. August 31, 2004

[xii] First Lady Laura Bush, August 31, 2004

[xiii] Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), September 1, 2004. Note: Quote was changed from 1st person plural to 3rd person plural to fit the narrative flow of the piece.

[xiv] Barney Cam II video shown at the RNC on September 1, 2004 highlighting the First Dogs efforts to campaign for his owner President Bush.

[xv] Gov. Mitt Romney (R-CA), September 1, 2004

[xvi] Excerpts from President George W. Bushs acceptance speech, September 2, 2004

[xvii] One of the slogans featured at the RNC convention.

[xviii] The Honorable Edward I. Koch (D-NY), August 30, 2004

[xix] One of the rallying cries of the delegates throughout the RNC convention.