As reported on CNN, MSNBC, CBN and a host of reputable [sic] international news agencies, The U.S. Episcopal Church and the Anglican Church of Canada have withdrawn from a key body of the global Anglican Communion under pressure from conservative church leaders horrified by the election of a gay bishop in the United States and the blessing of same-sex unions in the two countries. Following are some of the juicy bits overheard at this Anglican Primates meeting held February 21-25, 2005 in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Out, out damn spot! Two-four-six -eight, time to consubstantiate! We now present our ode to The Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay ordained by the Diocese of New Hampshire. "Gene, Gene the musical fruit …" That wasn't the peace the Archbishop of Canterbury was passing. And now for something completely different. Oh, do behave! Call time is 6am for the taping of Queer Eye for the Spiritual Guy. Who left a copy of The Wittenburg Door in the sacristy? I see London, I see France, I see the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church USA's under … [uncontrollable giggles] That wasn't the Archbishop of Canterbury's ring that the American Anglican Council was kissing. You say schism … I say chrism. Thank you sir. May I have another? Oh it's beer, beer, beer that makes you act so… never mind. I'm sorry Mr. Christ but you're not on the guest list.