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Who the Hell Are You and Why Should I Read This?

 article about Comedian on the roll
They're in every major publication and online newspaper.
Whether you're reading The Chicago Tribune, The Sawyer County Gazette,
or The Cheers, there's usually some overly opinionated guy with
humorous stories and pointed observations. Usually these columns are
pretty funny; funny enough that you'll end up asking your buddy at work
if he'd had the chance to catch the article this week. Many times, the
writer, while entertaining, will end up alienating a good part of the
readership and will be deemed "an asshole," and before too long, the
author gets beseiged with e-mails and letters both of support and
hatred for his work. I am one of those assholes.

My name is Andy
Martello and I have been a professional comedian, juggler, and overall
entertainer for over 18 years. You may or may not have seen me eating
fire on 'Last Comic Standing' or spinning plates at your local
festival. Perhaps you've heard my comedy group, Mr. X's Briefcase, on
The Doctor Demento Show. I used to be a clown for Ringling Bros. &
Barnum and Bailey Circus, as well as a performer for many other
traveling shows. I have been fortunate enough to travel the world and
meet a lot of interesting people. I also have the dubious disctinction
of being able to say that because of my work and where it has taken me,
odd things happen to me on a regular basis.

For the most part,
what you'll be reading from me will be anecdotes about my life as an
entertainer. Having worked for circuses AND carnivals as well as comedy
clubs, corporate events, kids groups, and television shows, I feel that
I've gained a somewhat unique perspective on the world and the people I

I also plan on spouting some of my own opinions on a
variety of subjects and hope to create a loyal following of
lexicological minions who will one day come to see me speak or read
from my volumes of collected works (and perhaps kill for me should you
choose to accept the job!). I can't say that everything I say will be
accepted as fact or even grounbreaking insight used to solve a specific
problem. I can promise that I usually will be funny, sometimes be
clever, and oftentimes be a total jerk.

I think that if I'm lucky I can be a Henry Rollins without all the
tattoos, a Jim Carroll without all the heroin, and an Eric Begosian
without all the offending body odor. But in all honesty I'd be just as
happy to find out that I'm getting all of the disenfranchised and
tortured Spaulding Gray fans to read my stuff. Heck, if I could get the
occasional comparison to David Sedaris or even sister Amy I'll feel as
though I've done something right.

Before you return to The Cheers and hopefully to my first little recollection, I'll tell you a little about me.

live in the Chicago area with my wife and her cat. I perform regularly
throughout the U.S. and make being an entertainer my full-time
profession. I am an avid cigar smoker and a lover of the martini, and I
plan on reviewing new cigars and regularly sharing drink recipes with
you. I have a rather large collection of the song 'Louie Louie' and
realize that it is a VERY strange hobby. If for no other reason than my
Louie obsession I think that my columns will become a welcome addition
to your list of favorite stops on the internet.

When I'm stating
my opinions, you'll know! I make no bones about stating what is on my
mind about a topic and you shouldn't have a problem figuring out when
I'm letting off steam. The vast majority of the anecdotes are
completely true with a few additions for dramatic effect. There will be
an air of mystery as to what is fact and what is fiction with some
pieces. This is mostly to protect the identities of some of the
participants, but sometimes it is simply me trying my hand at fiction.
I hope to get feedback from the readers in order to see what works and
what doesn't. Most all of these pieces are intended to be used in an
upcoming book I'm working on and any advice is helpful.

If you
are a registered reader please feel free to comment about the stroies
from any of our writers, as well as on my own stories. If you would
like more information about me, just go to my website, . I answer all of my e-mails and I'd love to hear
from you.

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