Oooops...

 

A British Airways first-class passenger got the shock of his life recently when he discovered that there was a dead body sitting next to him on a flight between Delhi to London.

 

What happened was that, while the first-class passenger was asleep, an elderly lady died in peasants-class and it was decided to move her to first-class. When the man woke up he mentioned to the cabin crew that the lady 'did not look very well' and was subsequently advised that she was in fact dead.

 

There are a couple of conclusions that one could draw from this saga.

It appears that, with British Airways, one has to die first in order to get upgraded and one might also conclude that one should look very carefully as to who might be sitting next to you after waking up. At least the deceased lady would have been 37,000 feet closer to where she would have wanted to go.

 

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The words of wisdom that say "And Pigs Might Fly" are actually true. The only thing is that the pigs that are flying are not real pigs. Well, not as far as I know anyway. The fact is though that the nickname for the F111 strike aircraft is "The Pig".  The Australian Air Force is the only country still using F111's, the US having swapped their Pigs with wings for a pig without wings in the White House. Now that's not nice Luf. Ah yes indeed. "Look mum, pigs, no wings".

 

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A recent exchange over Afghanistan between two aircraft went as followed. The aircraft call signs have been changed, as have the location details.

Awacs104: "Aircraft at flight level 370 at location Zulu, identify".

ER2: Not answering.

Awacs104: "Aircraft at flight level 370 at location Zulu, please identify".

ER2: "That's better, aircraft ER2 is pleased to identify". "We are a European-made aircraft, we have two big wings and two little ones." "We have four engines and a tail-section that points vertically, hopefully anyway".

Awacs104 came to have a closer look.

Awacs104: "Aircraft 'xyzab' (changed), advice as to the nature of your mission and as to the nature of the lumps of your aircraft".

ER2. "The nature of my mission is to fly aeroplanes". "The lumps on my aircraft are signs of chickenpox".

Awacs104: "Very funny".

ER2. "We try brother, we try".

Awacs104 departed in disgust.

 

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A case of oops. Boeing 777 landed at Canberra Airport, a very unusual event in its own right.

 

Upon touching down the aircraft blew a tyre making a mess all along Canberra's brand new runway extensions.

 

Canberra Tower: E991, you just blew a tyre. Do you need assistance?

E991: Negative on the assistance, but someone better get a large broom to clean up the mess that I have just made all along your nice new shiny runway.

Canberra Tower: Yeh, thanks for that.

 

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In the details of the State of the Union address young George said that he was sending Patriot missile units to Iraq. A bit strange, given the fact that the Patriot system is used only for anti-missile purposes and the Iraqi boof-heads throwing the bombs around do not have surface to surface missiles and no aircraft to put air to surface missiles onto. They appear to have surface to air weapons for which the Patriot is useless. What is this man trying to prove?

 

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The Australian Wheat Board (AWB) wheat bribery scandal made major headlines in Australia last year, and a number of 'colourful identities' will no doubt be hauled before a court before too long after a long and detailed inquiry. Surprise, surprise, no Australian Government Minister was held responsible but then, the inquiry was not authorised to look at any Government involvement. Some matters were brought to light though. There were numerous communications, intelligence reports, e-mail and faxes warning the Government of AWB officials doing deals in Iraq under the 'oil for food' provisions, deals that involved large bribes. Government Ministers including the Prime Minister have stated that they did not know about these deals. The conclusion may well be made that one of two things happened. One scenario is that, given the volumes of communications that went back to Australia about the bribery matter, Australian Government Ministers were negligent in their duties when they did nothing to stop the practice. The second scenario, a more likely one, is that following the communications, Government Ministers allowed the corrupt wheat trade to proceed just to retain market-share in Iraq. Either scenario being the case, Government Ministers, including the Foreign Minister and the Trade Minister can be deemed to be incompetent or corrupt or both.