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Jackson vs. Sharpton - Ready to Rumble

 article about lets get ready to rumble
JESSE "ACTION" JACKSON

AGE: 60

RESIDENCE: Chicago, IL

RELIGIOUS AFFILATION: Baptist

FINISHING POLITICAL MOVE: The Rhetoric Rhyming Speech

NOTEWORTHY QUOTE: "Hymietown"

GREATEST SPIRITUAL LAPSE: Fathering a child out of wedlock with Karin Stanford

FAVORITE CHURCH SUPPER DISH: Chicken

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Ms. Packman

FAVORITE BIBLE STORY: David and Bathsheba

FAVORITE MOVIE: Coffy

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Sesame Street

FAVORITE ATHLETE: O.J. Simpson

FAVORITE SINGER/BAND: The Jackson 5

FAVORITE MENSWEAR SUITS: Armani

HOBBIES: Football, laundering money, drawing rainbow pictures

He's
the Teflon coated giant, the undisputed religious leader of black
America. Standing by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King's side and
covering himself with the good doctor's blood, Jesse's been a long-time
dominant spiritual force to be reckoned within the progressive wing of
the DNC party.

Action's catchy rhymes whipped both the urban
underclass and the liberal media into a Pentecostal styled frenzy. The
righteous reverend bashed his way into the DNC by running for President
in 1984 and 1988, gathering millions of devoted fans, who joined the
rockin' Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. When he preached across the country to
procure the gigantic black turnout that nearly slept Al "Boring
Baptist" Gore into the White House, his claim to sit at the right hand
of the DNC leadership had never seemed more secure.

Then
Action forgot to keep it real when he broke one of God's laws by
fathering a child out of wedlock. His enemies surrounded him as
suspicions burst forth about this newly anointed "Guru of Grabass." His
frequent acts of adultery, as well as his unholy alliances with
corporate America were exposed so all could witness his shameful acts.
Even his most devoted flock concede in private that Action's days of
preaching in the political pulpit are numbered.

AL "SHOWSTOPPER SHARPTON"

AGE: 47

RESIDENCE: Brooklyn, NY

RELIGIOUS AFFILATION: Ordained a Pentecostal minister at 10, re-baptized into the Baptist tradition in 1994

FINISHING POLITICAL MOVE: The Kick Hinny Protest March

NOTEWORTHY QUOTE: "No justice, no peace"

GREATEST SPIRITUAL LAPSE: The Tawana Brawley Saga

FAVORITE CHURCH SUPPER DISH: Casserole Surprise

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Mortal Kombat

FAVORITE BIBLE STORY: The Prodigal Son

FAVORITE MOVIE: Shaft (the remake)

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Fat Albert

FAVORITE ATHLETE: Latrell Sprewell

FAVORITE SINGER/BAND: James Brown

FAVORITE MENSWEAR SUITS: Brooks Brothers

HOBBIES: Power walking, hair styling, stickball, reading


The mere mention of his name will bring any progressive Democratic
candidate to flock by Al's side and seek his endorsement. Never before
has the African-American religious community seen such a phenomenon
like the one that Showstopper has created. At any Democratic event, all
you see are politicians bowing to kiss Al's ring instead of kicking his
hinny. Why? Because Showstopper said so.

When this Harlem hell
raiser endured total humiliation in the wake of the Tawana Brawley
fiasco, he never thought that in the year 2001, his National Action
Network and Madison Avenue Initiative could surpass the political clout
of Jesse's Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and Wall Street Project. Fresh from
doing jail time in Vieques and Brooklyn jails, the righteous reverend
is planning to rip the ultimate page from Action Jackson's playbook by
running for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004 - the same
strategy Jesse used to secure his position as the Radical Reverend back
in '84. Separation of Church and State be damned!



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