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I've Got Your Controversy RIGHT HERE!

 article about controversy sells
Being a writer for an online publication I really have no idea who is reading my work or the other fine articles represented in The Cheers. I am not an administrator and do not have access to the web stats so aside from a few e-mails from my new found fans, I can only look at the comments and ratings sections to learn about what appeals to the readers. Based on these factors I am pleased with the responses to my work and hope to improve with each passing week.

So far, the comments are sparse. We are still, after all, a fairly new entity in the World Wide Web and I cant expect all to read a story and feel compelled to leave a rating or a personal comment. However I can
certainly come to one conclusion when I look at the other stories; you seem to be a crowd that likes controversy.

Our recent front page story about shopping for a bride in India inspired 20 comments from our readers. Yes, many of these readers were either friends of the author or anonymous internet freaks that really love to get into fights with other anonymous internet freaks, but the comments were there nonetheless.

Further examination shows that edgy or taboo topics invoke action from our readers. Religion always gets a few nice reactions.

Stories about self-imposed human suffering incite the odd response here and there. Seeing the writing on the virtual wall, I have decided to retool my own work.

It seems that stories about showering with horses, juggling sex toys, and being a chronically sober man arent good enough, and my opinion piece about gay marriage hit the net before we had found our controversy-hungry audience. So, it is now time for me to
break out the dark side of Andy Land and make with the anger and wrath-inspiring content already. Brace yourselves, it is gonna get ugly in here.

Here goes. Janet Jacksons boob? I liked it. Ive wanted to see it since I was teenager and I am happy I saw it as an adult. In fact, Id like to see it again right now how about you?

Anyone who was actually offended by its 3/100 of a second appearance on TV is just a total pansy-moron who has nothing better to do with their time but complain. Admit it, the real reason youre mad is YOU wanted to see it as much as I did and became angry when it finally happened and there as a damned hubcap on it!

Now that Im warmed up, I am going to say something that is sure to get your your blood boiling: Hitler was right! I am NOT referring to his politics & prejudices. But it should follow that he was right about SOMETHING at least once in his life, maybe a trivia answer or a math question on an exam. I can't say for sure. All I know is that whenever anyone tries to examine any aspect of Hitlers life in a reasonable and clinical manner, there is no tolerance for positive commentary. He might have been a snappy dresser or kind to small animals for all we know. However, publish your findings with information featuring a happy slant and it will be interpreted as an anti-Semitic remark. Since I am merely stirring the pot and courting controversy with this article, I have no problem with boldly proclaiming, Hitler was right, and waiting for your complete and utter overreaction. Wow, this is fun! Lets see..Oh yeah JEWS!

Theres nothing wrong with the word, the people or the religion, but since anti-Semitism, and more importantly, the perception of anti-Semitism is always a great way to get people to rise up and be heard, I am just going to print the word JEWS in bold face. Now, I am not in any way an anti-Semite, and I truly abhor any form of hate or racism, but this isnt about me. It is about getting people motivated to leave comments and show the editors their internet publication is being read. So what better way than to say JEWS so immediately after a Hitler paragraph? In fact, I can most assuredly get someone to go nuts with the comments feature of the site if I print the word like this

JEWS!

See what a little clever use of the fonts can bring about? I think just about any word would incite rage if printed in this manner. Lets try a few others.

MUSLIMS!

HINDUS!

BERKELEY BREATHED!

Very cool! The choice of font will really spark the anger. If I'd have written

JEWS<

in
this lighthearted font, you'd have simply moved on to the next article without saying anything. I mean really, I didn't even include a "smiley-face" emoticon. That would be a great disservice to The Cheers and I would have failed. Not gonna happen, buddy!

Well, there it is. Some pretty hard-edged stuff, eh? If this wasnt enough to get your fingers a tappin on your keyboard, I will leave you with some random hotbed topics. Once again, I will not really stress any angle or belief about these topics, partially because I know nothing about anything of substance, but more because I know most people dont really read about these subjects as opposed to READING INTO them. Bill Maher often talks about fake outrage among the American people. This article should not only encourage a few comments from our valued readers, but serve as a tribute to fake outrage everywhere. I will use the evil font for
maximum effect. I look forward to your comments. Enjoy!

Abortion Gay Marriage

W.O.M.D.

Michael Moore PETA

Penis

Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh's Penis

MONKEYS!

German Potato Salad!


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