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In my life I've seen a lot of things. I suppose that you could say I've
become something of a worldly guy over the years. I've gotten to travel
and see new places. I've met interesting people. I have managed to have
a wide and compelling amount of things happen to me that I can now call
fond memories or wise lessons. That must be a benefit of being an
entertainer. I cannot imagine that I would ever have become the person
I am today if I had not had the encounters Ive had across this land of
ours. That being said, I'm not sure where this next bit of experience will EVER come in handy. It often wins the strange story contests that friends have in bars over a few drinks. Thankfully it is not a story where I was chased by the law (THAT story will come in a few weeks.). BUT, as I have told this story to my friends throughout the years it always gets a laugh or at least a dropped jaw and that is why I have decided to share it with you today. I'll start by asking you a simple question. Have you ever taken a shower with a horse? I didn't think so. Most people have not which is why, I suppose, so many folks eagerly want to hear this anecdote after I ask them that question. I, in fact, HAVE showered with a horse. Now I'm not talking about some farmyard scene out of a movie where a young Elizabeth Taylor is shampooing herself behind a makeshift shower and there just happens to be a horse in the background. On the other end of the spectrum, I am not talking about some of the very fine porn that is a few Google searches away from finding a home on your hard drive. I was in a bathroom stall with a horse where we both enjoyed the comforts of a hot shower. I did not set out to do this, it just happened. Circumstances made it necessary and I did what I had to do. This all happened while I was working in a circus (big surprise). We were in a small town in Southern Illinois (another shocker) and the time came for me to take a shower. I should point out that when you work for a circus a good shower is a commodity that is hard to come by (3rd big wonder of the paragraph). Many circus performers travel in trailers that are equipped with a shower. "Regular people" like to think that the facilities offered in these travel trailers are very luxurious and make for comfortable travel. They are NOT. Trailer showers are very small, sometimes downright tiny. They offer no water pressure to speak of and there is usually not enough room to get everything clean to your satisfaction. The water is rarely hot enough and what hot water you have is never in abundant supply. Many circus performers that have the advantage of working indoor shows opt to use the facilities, if any, offered by the venue they're playing or the showers at some state campgrounds, K.O.A.s, etc.. If you are a performer who is NOT traveling by trailer you MUST use these options exclusively or pay the extra costs of getting a motel room every night. I was one of the latter type of performers. Sleeping in my van and showering at schools, truck stops, and campgrounds can sometimes be fine. Eventually you get to know the value of a dollar by how much a truck stop charges to use their shower. You also get an idea for how nice the shower will be that way. My advice, stay away from the $3.00 shower! They have lousy pressure, are filled with bugs, and they don't always have doors preventing you from staying long (cheap bastards). Campgrounds sometimes have clean facilities but they're filled with other special features like these push-in faucets that only keep the water running for about 3-5 seconds at a time, presumably to conserve water (cheap bastards). My advice on campgrounds, stay with the brand-name family campgrounds. More often than not you find yourself hoping the school building you play will have a real shower. You can't always ask for hot water as schools like to keep the water heater off when not in use (cheap bastards). Two bits of advice here. A) Try to use the coachs personal shower if you want privacy AND hot water. B) NEVER take a shower at a school in Kentucky. They treat prisoners in that state better than they do students. Believe me, athletes foot is the least of your worries in a Kentucky school shower. Back in Illinois, where showers are usually adequate, I had decided that a free shower was to be my bathing choice du jour. I was told that this particular school had one hell of a great shower and, If I'd ever done anything good at all in my life I OWED it to myself to use that shower. Reviewing my life, indeed I had done something shower-worthy. Now here's where our equestrian friend comes into play. We had a trained horse on this show. I use the term loosely because the only thing I'm SURE this horse was trained to do was aggravate his trainer, but he was a trained horse nonetheless. In the show you try not to tip the audience off as to what they'll see next in a show, so an animal act is best received by making a surprise entrance. Normally these entrances are done back stage, somewhere close to the door. At this school, the back door was no where near our back stage area and the best course of action was to bring the horse in from the locker room, which WAS shielded by our curtains. This practice wasn't uncommon. Usually the horse would be kept in the shower stall. This worked out well because the animal could get a good bath and if he had to relieve himself it would make for an easy clean-up. I suppose I shouldn't say all this as I'm sure there are a lot of folks now who are wondering if they've unknowingly showered in a stall that had been sullied by a horse. Continued On Next Page (Have you ever showered with a horse, Page 2) ... AUTHOR: Andy Martello  TAGS: Entertainment comedian comedy gay humor BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount 
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