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It should be understood that you and your partner will have different opinions on a few philosophical ideals, plus life goals and values. But what goals or philosophies do you want your partner to share in order to give the marriage a better chance of success? For example, if you have a more liberal mind set, would a partner's conservative viewpoints be troubling? Are you a woman who wants to be married but pursue a career or home business instead of tending to home and family? Would it make a difference to your partner? If you’re a man who would prefer a career woman as a wife, would you want to marry someone who wants to be a stay-at-home mom to three kids? If you and your partner have completely different priorities for a relationship or marriage which are unresolved beforehand, problems after marriage will surface very quickly. Differing philosophies and values should be discussed honestly, freely, and resolved before marriage is even considered, let alone planned. You may be so far apart on one or more issues that chances of a successful marriage to your current partner are slim to none. Don't wait until after the wedding to find out! If you’ve never heard the term before, a "deal breaker" is simply a characteristic, conflict or issue that would eliminate any ideas of continuing the relationship to the point of marriage. For example, if your partner was a heavy smoker, drinker or substance abuser, that might be a serious deal breaker. And in the case of alcohol or substance abuse, it should be. Not all questions may apply directly, but you might want to make a list of the ones that do. When your list is complete, begin asking them of yourself, before you ask your partner, especially if you have never considered them before. It is well known in the legal profession that a good trial lawyer never asks a question unless he or she knows the answer. In the same manner, you cannot expect to discover whether or not a partner shares your views on a subject that's important to you unless you know for certain what your own views are. Casual Dating Too many couples spend more time than they should on relationships that simply won’t work in the long run. This is often because they are afraid to ask the questions that could save them a lot of time and heartache. If you know what your personal deal breakers are, you can make it a point to ask the critical questions over the next few dates. Why waste a lot of time in a relationship where you and a partner are so far apart on an issue that a marriage is doomed to failure? Everyone has their own idea of what their own preferences for a relationship are, and trying to second-guess each person is simply impossible. So I will provide some questions that I consider important for any relationship I decide to have in the future. You may agree with some of them or all. Questions you might not give as much weight to can be substituted with those of your own. 1. Do you consider yourself a conservative, liberal or libertarian? - Some people believe that political differences shouldn’t matter in a relationship. However, there are others, myself included, who consider that very important. Each of the main political parties have different philosophies, and there are often serious conflicts when two people who have widely opposite viewpoints get together. Personally, as a self-declared libertarian, I would find it very Continued On Next Page (partner, Page 2) ... AUTHOR: Susan Levine  TAGS: Relationships world america Family war Love Politics government Religion BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount  |
