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12/15/2004

Night Before Christmas
It was the night before Christmas and all through the house.
There was crashing and clatter as the cat chased the mouse.
I sprang from my bed and dashed down the hall,
In time to hear some ornaments fall.
The mouse was perched on the star so high,
Up the tree went the cat- tinsel and ornaments did fly.
I dove over the couch in hopes to catch the tree,
While my wife stood in the doorway, yelling at me.
The packages were strewn all over the floor.
For the life of me, I couldn't see where we would put more.
All of a sudden we heard the doorbell ring.
Out of the living room I did spring.
I crossed the foyer, threw open the door.
There stood my daughter, she was dressed like a whore.
The wind was blowing, the snow piled high.
Part of the roof caved in, now there was sky.
I called the contractor, the roof to repair.
It was colder than hell in the wind-whipped air.
He promised to send men that very same day.
They came to the door- Pedro, Jesus and Juan- not a word of English could anyone say.

I pointed up to the roof, you could see my breath puff.
They thought I gave them the finger and they left in a huff.
I became frantic as my wife continued to harp.
Up to the roof and stretch out a tarp.

Down to the kitchen to get some hot tea.
That my wife was upset was clear to see.
We looked at each other not knowing what to say.
As our daughter announced that she decided she was gay.

Grandma and grandpa arrived right at dawn.
As usual he parked his car in middle of my lawn.
Drunken Uncle Harry just babbled away.
He was so sloshed you couldn't understand a word he did say.

My wife and her mother said breakfast would be in three shakes.
There was platter after platter of her damn pumpkin pancakes.
I know it is Christmas, such a wonderful day,
But I breathed a big sigh as they all drove away.

We could hear them from here as they drove out of sight.
Grandma and grandpa were in their usual fight.
The wife and I crawled into bed, and try as we might,
There was nothing merry about Christmas as she kissed me good night.
I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear,

"What do say, honey, can we cancel Christmas next year?"
Happy Holidays!

---------------------------------------------

Walt

www.waltlange.com

"Help! I am a prisoner of my own imagination!"