I remembered going for my first date. Not my first real date, but a date whereby the man had sexual interest in me. Incidentally, I didn't realize this at the time; he gave mixed signals, which he clarified for me afterwards.

As I went along with him on my next couple of dates, I realized something - having a conversation with a man on a date is full of hidden messages. Whoever said men are simple creatures and we women are complicated ought to be shot! In a bid for poor girls like me to avoid such confusion, I have drawn up a "dictionary."

They say      : "Are you open-minded?"

They mean   : "We want to check out if you're willing to let us fuck you."

They say      : "Are you mature?"

They mean   : "Are you still a virgin?"

They say      : "I need to leave for an appointment after a short while."

They mean   : "You suck big time. I want to get away from you."

They say      : "Do you want companionship?"

They mean   : "This is a fling, baby. We're not committing."

So remember, next time you go on your date, check this before you go. Get it right!