Hey yo, welcome me back peeps. I am happy to bring back The Static Experience to television and it will be like nothing you have ever seen before. A new website is up and you can now watch episodes on You Tube, and on the MJPTV.net website, you can participate in my poll question as well as leave a quick note on the Static board. You just enter your name and the message you want to leave. It is quick so do it now!!!! You can leave a message for the wonderful column I am about to write that will kick ass. Especially you Sox and Cardinals fans will love it.

So you poor Cub fans. Looks like you were duped again by the team that you follow like the blind, drunk ass sheep you are. You were taken to the heights of euphoria thinking that the Cubs roller coaster ride went up to the heavens as you backed in to the NL Central title. And yes you can sit here and try to tell me that the Cubs earned their spot because of the amount of victories they had. Well, I am sorry to break the bad news to you, but when the Cubs get swept by the last place Marlins and get to play a team like the Reds, and the Brewers play a team like the Padres (and lets face it people, the Brew Crew laid down for them in the first two games), and you somehow win one game and get the title handed to you on a silver platter.

Yet, nevertheless, only the Cubs can’t capitalize when they are handed a golden opportunity. Here are the Diamondbacks. They have scored the least amount of runs besides three other teams, many opponents have outscored them, but a strong bullpen like theirs will help you win games. They crept back into the NL West race and showed the Cubs how to close.

It was once said in a great movie “coffee is for closers.” Coffee in the case would be the trophy and Cub fans, you don’t have one and we (Sox fans) do. Nah nah nah nah nah nah. You asked the question “why not us?” I am here to answer it. Your team is a poor pathetic excuse for a team. They proved it in every playoff series since I have been alive. In 1984, only the Cubs will give up a 2-0 lead to the Padres. In 1989, after splitting at home with the Giants, Will Clark cleaned their clocks in San Francisco providing us Sox fans with a treat better than rice. In 1998, the Braves swept them. And we all know the soap opera that took place in 2003. They beat Atlanta so we got to see drunks, sluts, goats, Ronnie Woo Woo and other morons parade the streets near Clark and Addison and then they played Florida. So close, one game to a World Series, but then you guys choked all over yourselves, and tried to beat the crap out of a defenseless fan who did what anyone else would have done when a foul ball was hit to them and forget it was the bumbling shortstop who committed an error on a double play. By the way, you God forsaken pitcher threw a wild pitch as well. LOSERS! And now, we watch the Cubs new manager make a great call on the mound, another pitcher throw down his glove like a bitch, and a team lay down while their pitcher makes Wild Bill look calm.

The truth; Cub fans I wish I could say “it’s going to be OK” and pat you on your back, BUT I WON’T. All I heard about is how the Cubs beat the Sox 5 out of 6 this year. All I heard from you asses is how we were in last place. (I still hear that but if you check the record, you will see them in fourth, not last morons!) And of course, I had hear the ever-famous mantra of the cumbersome Cub fans “this is our year.” Well my alcoholic, bleacher bum friends, NO IT IS NOT YOUR YEAR. I am just waiting to hear what the curse is this year. Was it the fact a Sox fan threw a rally for you jabronis? You know, the pep rally that Mayor Daley (who everyone in Chicago knows roots for the right team) threw for you asses.

I am so sick and tired of hearing the media talk about how Cub fans are loyal. Well there’s a difference between loyalty and stupidity. There is a difference between getting behind your team, and blindly following them like sheep. 100 years is just about here, and guess what? You still don’t have your title. HA HA HA HA HA!

Choke on it Santo, choke on it Mike Murphy, choke on it John Cusack. I am such a hater, and I love it!!!!

Now let’s look at 2008. The White Sox will be better. Kenny and Ozzie won’t allow what happened in ’07 to happen again. Cub fans like to say we sucked this year, and their right, but we are allowed one suck year. I mean, after all you guys have sucked for the last 100 years right? In all seriousness, the egos of Sox management are too big to look stupid as Kenny did last year. And the Cubs, I hate to say it, I think will be a team to watch in ’08. The Cubs have the payroll to acquire A-Rod or Johan Santana. Santana would be a great addition to the Cubs already stellar rotation. I also think the Cubs need to find a good closer. They have some good rookies who performed well this season. But only the Cubs can spend $300 million on a team and still not get to the big dance.

Cub fans, I wish I could say I feel for you, but I will give you some good advice instead. Take all your Cub shit, throw in a garbage can, set it on fire, then drive down to your local sports store and buy a White Sox shirt. You will feel much better, especially when the Sox kick ass all over the place this year. I mean, we are all Chicago fans right? Do the right thing here Cub fans.

And to the misguided Sox fans that said, I want to see the Cubs win because it is a win for Chicago. Ask yourself this question. After witnessing our parade in 2005, do you think you could stomach a Cub parade when you know it is going to be bigger than ours, more annoying than ours, and then we have to hear all the bullshit that comes with the Cubby kingdom? I didn’t think so either. Stand behind your team for once and for all.

Thank you and that’s all.

MICHAEL JAE