Once in the office, you can already celebrate having gone through the most difficult part of the day: you woke up (always a challenge and you never know when it will suddenly not happen), you managed to catch the bus and not kill the person that stepped on your brand new polished shoes or the idiot that spilled some coffee on your coat (or, the greatest success of all, you didn’t kill anyone on your way driving to work. If you did, you need to go and complete form 1215478UAU and form 157781UDIDWELL) and now you are two secs away from hours and hours of forced labor. Stop in front of the office building, smoke a cigarette before going in, and suck in your breath before going into the elevator. (keep the breath sucked all the way to the top - globalization may play its tricks). This is your last chance to get out . . .now, you missed!

Now for the 3Cs:

• Coffee. No day can start without coffee. If your day starts without coffee, you are either an alien, can’t afford it, have an unusual tolerance to stress, are never grumpy in the morning, have never tasted coffee or are just strange altogether. You can buy your coffee from the coffee machine (American, watery tasting coffee, with no tasting effect), get it from your boss (applicability: enter with a concerned look on your face and discuss a very grave matter. He might offer some coffee. Otherwise, make some comments on the coffee smell) or from some nice colleagues who do have a coffee maker in their office (in the particularly uncommon case when you don’t). Obviously, if you do get it from your colleagues, you have to be prepared to look good, talk good, do good.

• Chatting. Chatting should take place in a particular, specified amount of time. Too much chatting and it seems that you have nothing to do (it is essential in the office to always seem that you have a lot on your mind and a lot of work to complete), too little and you are rude. Subjects of chatting should be adapted to the persons you are chatting with. If the majority is feminine, choose fashion, movies, theater (yeah, you’ll look cultured and smooth). NO beer talk (guys know what I am talking about, women suspect, but should read on). If guys are the majority: football, sports, politics (keep an average profile, don’t look like you are glued to CNN) and, obviously, women.

• Computers. Your day should never start without the computer. A couple of funny emails will brighten the morning; you can read a couple of newspapers online and check out the stock market - enough activity to carry you on through to eleven or even noon. When, obviously, it’s time for dinner.

Next week: Meetings with the boss.