I am now amazed by the possibility that I can Tivo the Chuck Norris/Christie Brinkley infomercial at 3:30 A.M. on a random Tuesday morning if I choose. But in my pre-iPod state of mind, Tivo was absolutely irrelevant to me because it was incapable of bringing something into my life that I either couldn't already do (program a VCR) or don't need because I'm not that lazy (push the play button with my index finger). I think the best way that I can explain my pre-iPod frame of mind towards technology is to give an anecdote from what I think was my junior year of undergrad, which was approximately when DVD players were first being sold (semi-affordably) to the American public.

My friends were all about purchasing things that were sold at the local Electronics Boutique. At 21, they were dorks. I won’t deny that I occasionally wore an NFL jersey (and still do), but that just means that I was (and still am) a jackass, but not a dork. Well, my friends would say "Yeah, we're going to watch a few movies tonight...on DVD!" My initial reaction was something like, "Well, would you like a trophy for that?"

Now, before you judge me as a disgruntled caveman, allow me to explain the justification of the harsh words I used towards the new-found excitement of my friends. First of all, I can be a bit of a grump if I choose to be, but like Whitney's reality star husband (as well as a pre-K-Fed Britney Spears) once said, "It's my prerogative." As for my friends' enthusiasm towards DVD technology, it was not based on the ways that the DVD format improves the quality of both the clarity of a film and the overall experience itself. They couldn't care less about that, and they watch a fraction of the films that I do.

You see, they were not ecstatic about being able to watch The Godfather without a fuzzy picture and tracking problems. They were pumped about the fact that when they watched their science fiction films, they would be watching them on a device that was technologically a step closer to the Starship Enterprise than the VCR. Yes, the icing on their dorky, Electronics Boutique cake was that they weren't going to watch movies that were halfway decent or even new releases. They were not anxious to watch the films because they love watching films; they were simply thrilled by the fact that they were going to watch a movie by means of the latest and greatest technological device.

My loser friends thought they were riding the wave of the newest multimedia trend. I thought that was ridiculous; and it was this mentality that separated me from those particular friends of mine. (Well, that and the fact that I refuse to be involved with anything that is connected to Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. My idea of a fantasy does not include either a wizard or a robot. My fantasy, for the record, involves a beach, a waterproof stereo playing "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, and let's just say the last piece of my fantasy-puzzle changes from day to day.)