More from author
-	Confessions of an Ad-man XII: Consumers in Search of Service
-	Confessions of an Ad-man XI: More Dueling With Mother Nature
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man X
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man IX
-	Confessions of an Ad-Man VII: Commercial ends up in the air instead of on the air

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We all should have been suspicious when businesses started calling us consumers instead of customers. Tom Peters once said consumers are statistics, customers are people. So now we’re all consumers.

Customer service training is a growth industry. Believe me I know because I’ve done a lot of it. The problem is that as soon as the seminar is over, people stop thinking about customers and go back to dealing with consumers.

Check this out. I swear it’s an actual conversation. The names have been changed. As we join our hero, me, I’m calling my friendly neighborhood print shop to get some, guess what, printing done.

Brrring

“Good morning. Fibro-blastoma Printing, Marjorie speaking, how may I direct your call?”

“zzzzzzzzzz uh . . . oh . . sorry. Is it my turn to talk already? Let me speak to Roger?”

“Do you mean Roger Muckfuster?”

“Do you have any other Rogers working there?”

“No we don’t, sir.”

“Then how about I speak to Roger?”

“And whom shall I say is calling?”

“John Hancock.”

“Will he know what it’s about, Mr. Hancock.”

“Well not right away, but I promise you on my Grandmother’s grave that the moment you connect me with him, after we say ‘hello’ of course, I will tell him what it’s about.”

“And what is the name of your Company, Mr. Hancock?”

“PUT ME THROUGH TO ROGER, I HAVE AN ORDER FOR HIM!!!!”

“Just a moment please, and sir?”

“Yes.”

“There’s no need to raise your voice.”

I then got to listen to approximately one and one half minutes of weather channel music followed by . . .

“Yyello. RRRoger speaking.”

“Hi Roger, Dave Foreman calling, I have a four color 4 page flyer to do for Independent Foods. 150,000 copies and I need it in about four days.

“And how will the billing be handled?”

“Uh, I was thinking, maybe AFTER the job was done, I’d like you to bill Independent direct?”

“Does Independent Foods have an account with us?”

“I don’t know. If they don’t have an account with you, I’m sure it keeps them awake nights. They only have eight supermarkets and do 70 million a year in business.”

“Well, I’m going to fax you a credit application.”

“Fine, and Roger . . . ”

“YYYYYess Dave.”

“Sometime, this millennium, do you think you could find time to answer my original question? Can you print this for me?”

“That depends. When do you need it?”