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As an entertainer, I have been asked to work some rather unusual
events. This is a story about the one that got away. I didnt turn down
the gig. The client revoked their request for my services because my
booking policies were unreasonable. I was asked to work a party being thrown by a business called the House of Whacks. This is a major supplier of fetish and bondage gear for consenting adults. Not only was I undisturbed by this, but at the time, I was dating a girl who was more than familiar with the product (thereby making me familiar), so I wasnt really shocked. After all, Im a red-blooded, porn-watching American male and having worked for both circuses AND carnivals, NOTHING shocked or surprised me. I know it takes all kinds of people to make a world and sex is one area where it seems all bets are off when it comes to personal taste. The client HAD to have a juggler greeting people at the door of the party, wearing bondage gear and juggling sex toys, such as dildos, paddles and the like. I was told that she had called EVERY entertainer in the Chicago area (which I know is an extensive list) and was upset to see that nobody would take on this gig. She even told me I could come to the store and try out their stock items to see what I could...uh...come up with. I told her that I would be more than willing to do the job but due to the nature of this performance, I had a few stipulations. These were to protect my business and identity so I didnt kill my steady amount of family & corporate work. First of all, I wanted to wear a mask of some kind. I figured this would be the easiest request to fill. The damn store had plenty of leather or latex bondage masks with a zipper mouth and slits for eyes. Why would it seem strange for me to wear one at this party (hey, when in Rome)? Next, my fee would be somewhat higher than normal for the customization and the potential for losing work (thus, the dildo tax was born). Finally, I didnt want my name featured in any of the promotional fliers nor did I want it in any subsequent press clippings. Honestly, how much work would Andy the Dildo Juggler get at your local park district? I thought these were reasonable requests and I went into detail explaining that these terms were not to reflect any judgment upon the people attending the party. My position: while there is nothing abnormal about the clientele at the event, the potential for losing family and corporate work was very high. Many of the people attending this event could very well have been folks on Little Johnnys Cub Scout Blue and Gold Dinner committee (the fetish industry extends far beyond the corporate world and is widely enjoyed by people youd never expect to see wearing a strap-on). That being said, while I was not discriminating against the party-goers, I was confident that THEY would discriminate against me if they encountered me in their daily lives. Come on, would YOU hire the man who was balancing a 2 foot long cock on his head to entertain at your church? You want me to juggle WHAT? Continued On Next Page (rubber, Page 2) ... AUTHOR: Andy Martello  TAGS: Cheers comedy dating people comedian humor BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount  |
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