Steroids, steroids, steroids. Ruining America's Pastime. Not like the good old days. Take the Mets of the 80's for instance. A bunch of good guys that played hard on and off the field. No matter how much cocaine they ingested or how many drinks they had, they were ready to go. These guys did it all. Bar fights, gang-bangs, arrests, even jerkin' off in the bullpen. Oh, by the way, they won two National League pennants and a World Series. And not one needle in the ass between them.

Barry Bonds gets his own reality show, too. I have no interest in even seeing a flip-through of it, but what are they going to show? The whole world is on to this guy and all we want to know about is his juicing. All he wants to do is avoid the subject. There's no reason to watch if he isn't going to let us see his "secrets." When Barry went in drag as Paula Abdul during Spring Training, he looked more like a microwaved Chyna. I have no secret admiration for the guy, but seeing some inbred spectator throw a syringe at Bonds in San Diego is way out of line. Too bad they didn't catch this "load that should have been shot into Kleenex."

Texas' Vince Young was rumored to have dropped on some draft boards because he did badly on the Wunderlik test. This guy has talent, though it may be raw. And results on that shouldn't have a big impact on his career unless he ends up playing on Brokeback Mountain. This year's NFL Draft is being held at Radio City Music Hall. After Mike Tannenbaum and Eric Mangini blow their first draft, the boo-birds wearing the green and white can serenade them acapella style.

From bad to worse: Knicks Head Coach Larry Brown not only had to see his team spanked again after another night of "taking the night off" defense at Orlando, but he also had to watch his old whipping bitch, Darko Milicic, have a good game.

The Great One tells us that he had no idea that the missus was out there burning up lettuce on anything with odds. He also says that his pal and assistant coach did all of his gambling stuff on the QT. For a guy that always seemed bright, he wants us to think that he's as dumb as a box of rocks now. Sorry, Waynie, it doesn't work that way.

Poor Cubbie fans. Before they can even prepare themselves for the annual letdown, ol' Peanut Brittle arms Kerry Wood and Mark Prior land on the DL. Would the $119 million dollar man Carlo Beltran crack a smile if "My Favorite MILF" Sharon Stone gave him her famous Basic Instinct flash? The Shea Stadium boo-birds make this guy look like he just lost his dog. Hey, Carlos. Production equals cheers. 0-for-4 equals jeers. To get everyone's mind off all the BALCO stuff, baseball needs an appearance from Ms. Double Bubble-Morgana the Kissing Bandit. I don't even know if that lady is still around. If she is, by now her nipples are hanging down by her kneecaps.

LAST CALL: Here's to Bob Sheppard, who unfortunately had to miss his first Yankee game as the Public Address announcer in over a half a century. Hope that hip heals up quick, Bob. Get back in that booth and in front of the microphone where you belong! The best of the best!