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Dating a friend

 article about Dating a friend
2004-11-21 09:40:38
One of the most difficult issues concerning dating is dating a friend. There's a girl whom you have known for years already. She's nice every step of the way. She's smart, she's beautiful, and she's fun to talk to. And at some point you find yourself in a situation where you'd really like to learn to know her on a bit more intimate level.


Considering the most logical theory which says that it's always easier to talk to someone whom you already know, dating a friend should not be a problem whatsoever. You know her, she knows you. You know what she likes, what she might enjoy, and you even know that she likes you for what you are. Why else would you be friends?

First date

But if you start to actually think about it, it's a lot more complicated than it seemed at first glance. What if she says no? It's rather painless to be told off by a girl who you have just met at the pub. As it comes to friends - good friends - it isn't that painless anymore. Even getting a yes from her might hurt in some cases. I'll come to that in a moment. Why is it difficult to approach your female friend? It's the fact that one way or another you'll want to keep her friendship, and her good opinion of you, and the good atmosphere while doing something together. If she hears that you are interested in her that way and if she definitely does not feel the same way, she might start to avoid you completely. That's the theory anyway, and I think you will agree that this is one of the worst scenarios.

What if she says yes?

If she says yes, you can applaud yourself for a job well-done. At least, that's so, usually. However, there's a difference between yes and yes. The first one might mean that "yes, I feel the same way, I'm actually totally into you, too" while the other 'yes' might actually mean "yes, I'll go out with you just this once, I can't say no just not yet. We're too good friends and I really don't want to hurt your feelings...yet." So do keep an eye on her face while making the move. Whether it's a kiss you're trying to steal from her on the dance floor or a moment of truth while trying to ask her out for the very first time.

But should I do it then?

Good question to ask yourself at this point is this: Do I really want to do it and how would I feel if I didn't? That's the main question. If you decide you do need to do it, there's still a way to keep things okay if she says no. How? If you're reading this magazine, you should already know that you can't show her how TOTALLY into her you really are. That's quite a pathetic look you know seeing a guy with a puppyface begging for love. You need to act self-confidently and always keep your goal in mind. Instead of saying something like "I can't live without you, I just had to say it, I'm sorry, but that's the way things are don't say that, PLEASE!" Have you no self-respect whatsoever?

Rather approach her lips during a really intimate dance. Or if you prefer to ask her out, then do that with class, without too many wussy-words. Just tell her you'd like to go out with her. Period. Silence. Now it's her turn to answer.

Honesty and self-confidence works like a charm every time. If it doesn't, it still keeps things cosy and your friendship won't go to hell.

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