Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ!

(But, he might be the Anti-Christ’s annoying little brother!)

Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and malicious fad came to the forefront with Bill Clinton and Monica. After the Gore Vs Bush Supreme Court ruling, it grew white hot during W’s eight years as our most criticized head of state. Lately, all across our almost intentionally misinformed planet, this trash talk thingy seems to reign supreme. So, since I don’t text at all, I thought I’d take a shot at it too.
“ Flame ON! ”
"I BLEW IT!"
(Glen Beck apology -Fox News February 2011)

At the heart of this searing inferno reside a handful of our most talented and skilled con men. Please understand these flim-flammers will say, or do, just about anything to build and raise their precious ratings! These bodacious hucksters are simply the worst vocal thugs that have stumbled around our planet since Homo Sapiens first dragged knuckles in the mud.

How did we get to where we are now? Well, we’ve all seen these motor- mouth types before. History is full of shady used car salesmen, screaming fundamental preachers, and lying political reformers. But, now we have this new breed on our hands. And these newbies have blood on their hands!

Looking back, it’s easy to see the simple signs we ignored or missed. First, The OJ trial! What madness that was! Second, comic Al Franken began lambasting Limbaugh’s fatness, and became a best selling author. He’s now Senator Franken! (D-MN) Now, Mr. Morphine Abuser, Rush, is in de facto charge of the Republican right wing, therefore the whole GOP. (Rush still swings a three wood like a little girl!) Then, the shock jock Don Imus got run out of town for doing a belittling racial joke. Next, Nancy Grace showed her face. Oh, the horror! And to my endless amusement, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddox and Dr. Laura are at each other’s lovely lesbian throats daily. But, to this point, no one in all of media, new or old, has had enough manly courage to ask that crazy Keith Oberman guy to Chill…. Dude, CHILL! (Maybe Keith should take a longer vacation!)

Currently, as opinion journalism de-evolves in front of our very eyes, who emerges from the snarling pack, but the megalomaniac Glen Beck! As y’all say in the South: “Whatever kinda rock Glen crawled out from under, this guy is to be kept an eye on!”

Personally, I don’t think Glen Beck could carry Rush Linbaugh’s jockstrap, even though Glen probably wants to! I won’t ask Mr. Beck how long he has been beating his wife. Only he knows that answer.

To call Glen Beck a yellow journalist, is insulting to the color yellow. He used to be a pretty fair TV host. Not anymore! Now he’s just a good Glen Beck. What a comedown. Everyone knows he’s mean to dogs and old people. If Glen had any friends, you could ask them!

Ironically, if you took the total income of all the people who attended his sanctimonious little tailgate party in DC, it wouldn’t add up to a third of the cash Glen has probably stashed in the Cayman Islands.

Being a pretentious liar and pandering at warp speed are not Mr. Beck’s worst sins. Glen’s most unforgivable acts are ones of insincerity. If he cared about his viewers 1/100th as much as he wants them to believe he does, then he’d back those concerns with more visible charity donations. Many more! Good grief, Glen has more money than the entire country of Estonia. Hey nimrod! Crack open that cobweb filled wallet of yours and give some more, you bleeping tightwad! You should have learned by now, to use some of that ill-gotten bootie to buy some good karma at your local ashram. Just who the hell do you think you are? Charlie bleeping Sheen? Bleep!

At intimate parties, Glen does a devastating impression of Ronald Reagan committing a sexual act on Senator Joe McCarthy. Glen even made Liza Minelli blush!

But Glen, let’s you and I get real. I don’t expect you to change your damn spots any more than Joan Rivers did! So, every cable TV trick I’ve ever seen you pull on your many hapless guests, I’ve now used on you here. This is called being hoisted on one’s own petard! (Look it up.) So, don’t complain. (Millionaires who complain look small and petty!)

Hey! I’m calling you out. Guys like you, who fight dirty, shouldn’t whine. Ever! Even if they take a well-aimed shot in the nutsack occasionally. So don’t whine. Grab your poo-poo pillow, and make the best of it!

If my words piss you off, then it proves the adage: you can dish it out, but you can’t take it. Repent your ways Glen. (Metaphorical slap on his nose) You big bully! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?

At long last…Mr. Beck, have you no sense of decency?

To conclude, I respect and admire any successful media juggernaut that can maintain its inertia against the ever-looming drag coefficient of so many niche audiences. But, damn Glen Beck! I damn him with faint praise and backhanded compliments!

PS: Hey Glen, Rush Limbaugh still needs somebody to hold his jock.

PPS: Just kidding, Mr. Beck. No offense meant. You and I will do anything to please our audiences, right? Anything!

Yours in Red Shoes, Lue Deck

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