The Oz Journals - Entry Four

One thing I have noticed about living here in the land Down Under is the laid-back lifestyle of the residents. Take footwear, for instance. Shoes basically aren't worn a great deal of the time, if they're worn at all. People go grocery shopping barefoot and even pump gas barefoot. In many restaurants, they allow bare feet, which isn’t really shocking considering that a good number of restaurants in the United States allow bare breasts.

Where I am staying, by the beach, people come right out of the ocean to do whatever. No more decent waves to surf? No worries, mate, let’s get the grocery shopping done then. So in they come in their sandals (they call them thongs here; I believe we used to do the same until some bright spark decided that the word “thong” more aptly described the buttfloss undergarments that a lot of women wear nowadays. Come on, girls, those things cannot be comfortable!), wearing their Billabong surf tees and Roxy bikinis as they shop for groceries, often still wet from the ocean.

I have to admit I was taken rather aback at the sight of a young blonde in a string bikini - with a tanned brown body that you could bounce a dime off of - in the produce section trying to decide which cucumber was the ripest. I started to get dizzy and I thought I would pass out until my ever-vigilant wife (who monitors my health fervently) stamped on my toes and slapped me very hard across the face. I am so lucky to have a wife like her, constantly fretting over me and ensuring I am maintaining a healthy degree of wellness.

Very few men have both a beautiful woman and a personal trainer rolled into one fabulous spouse. She was even considerate enough to see that I got my cardio-vascular system back into operation by chasing me up and down the aisles swinging a tefal no-stick frying pan that she had no intention of purchasing. What a woman.

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