Barney, the White House dog reviews Jim Wallis' Best Seller

As barked to Becky Garrison Every time any wussie says George W. Bush isn’t acting like a Christian, I start growling and try to bite ‘em. Uncle Karl said I’m such a faithful watchdog that he appointed me to be the spiritual sniffer to the President. As the First Doggie, I get to smell all this sacred stuff that W doesn’t wanna look at cause it makes his heat hurt.

And I just finished smelling this really big book called Dog’s Politics. Woof - a book just for me. I started sniffing around Dog’s Politics, but then I took one bite and spit it out. Blah. It tasted like granola and kinda smelled like this stuff I saw Jen smokin' one day. My Mommy Laura said Dog’s Politics would taste better if it was published by InterVaristy – she thinks the people at Harper Collins San Francisco are going to H-E-Double Toothpick cause they put out books by libels that don’t love Jesus. And my mommy is a librarian so she knows what she’s talking ‘bout.

Now, I really tried to eat Dog’s Politics but every page I tried to nibble on, this Wallis dude is saying something mean about my Daddy Dubya. I don’t get it. I mean I get to live in the White House – and this Jimmy guy wants me to go live with these people that look like hippies. No way. They smell funny – kind of like Rev. Jesse Jackson. W says, Jesse stinks!

You know what's real fun to eat? My Daddy Dubya’s Resolve bible. It’s got pretty pictures and quizzes and all kind of fun things in it. W said it’s from Thomas Nelson so it’s gotta be righteous and really Republican. Kewl. Yummy. I also like to eat the pages outta Grandpa LaHaye's book The Rising - oh, boy those pages tastes super sweet. Grandma Beverly said this book’ll take me right straight to doggie heaven.

Anyway one day the President got real mad at Tony Campolo cause Tony was telling him how sinful his budget was. I tried to mount Tony but that mean man kicked me. So, GWB came to my rescue and he threw a copy of Dog’s Politics at Tony and then this Campolo crybaby started yelling something about “compassionate conservatism my ass.” So Uncle Karl told me to let Tony have it, I bit him as hard as I could but I don’t think I like Tony – he tasted real tough and gave me a tummy ache.

No matter what the godless heathens might say, my Daddy Dubya treats me like I’m a little angel. He tickles my tummy, gives me Rold Gold Pretzels and he even lets me come to meetings and do my bidness whenever there’s donkey types in the room. Uncle Dick put a copy of this book in my wee-wee corner - he said I should starting doing my biddness on Dog’s Politics this instead of going on The Washington Post all the time. ‘Nuf said.

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