My Anguish

An anguish sears within me,

It tears me,

Tears my soul apart.

My mind in overdrive,

My heart-

In shreds.

 

It has always existed,

For reason I know not.

"Is it always destined to be like this?"

I always ask myself,

Yet perhaps always asking myself,

Makes me think about it all the more.

 

Everyday I lie,

Everyday I sit,

Everyday I stand,

Everyday I sleep,

And this feeling continues to haunt me,

Everyday.

 

I tried everything.

Doing charity.

Religion,

Fulfilling my duties and roles in this world,

Yet-

Nothing works.

 

I am almost at the end of the tether,

At least-

I hope it is still almost.

Will it always be almost?

This zone between living and dying,

Life and hell?

 

I thought love would be the answer,

Someone loving me and me loving someone,

Will that not be the answer?

Apparently not.

And never will be.

 

I also tried immersing myself in my work,

At first,I felt fulfilled,

I was so happy,

I felt accomplished.

Yet gradually the feeling eroded,

That feeling was stolen from me.

 

I live-

Like a broken soul,

I laugh-

Like a weary spirit.

I cry-

And I know not why.

 

I don't know how long this saga will continue,

Neither do I want it to continue,

I just want to be happy,

Just like everybody else.

Is that so difficult?

I hope not.