Do We Really Need DVD?

Looking back, VHS was rubbish wasn't it? How did we endure all that tracking, endlessly turning the dials in a futile attempt to remove that unsightly snow from the top and bottom of our picture? And what good is a VHS copy of Basic Instinct if the screen shakes like an epileptic whenever you press pause? Even worse, while we paid good money to forever own VHS copies of our favourite films, the quality would inevitably deteriorate, and after a few short years a team of experts was required to determine exactly what the battered black rectangle previously contained.

DVD changed all this. Our shiny little friends sell by the bucketload and only a blind man or a fool could argue with the picture quality. But, crystal clear visuals aside, are those silver circles really so wonderful?

The problem can be summed up in those two unintentionally ironic words: special features. It sounds promising doesn't it? Not just extras, but special features. The classic example is the trailer. Whether youve paid ten dollars, fifteen pounds, twenty euros or several million yen, you should not have to see the words original theatrical trailer sitting all alone under the heading special features. Its an insult, not only to your intelligence and your wallet but to the word special itself.

Now, I love a good trailer as much as the next man, maybe even more so. But, I hear you ask, what is it that trailers do? They sell the film, thats what they do, so if you've already made the commitment of either buying or renting the DVD thats in your machine, then why do you need the trailer? Are you going to go out and buy it again?

I think wed all be better off if the powers that be came up with a new phrase so they could be a little more honest with us and say something like stuff weve put on here just fill a bit of space or things no one will ever watch more than once.

In this more realistically monikered section, alongside the trailers youd find the obligatory, and obligatorily bad, making of featurette (is it just me or is featurette just a horrible, horrible word. Purely aurally, I mean, it just sounds so unpleasant. Say it to yourself, featurette. Ugh.) The making of will usually have a title thats nothing more than an extraordinarily bad pun on the films original title. For example, The Pulp Fiction making of is called Tarantino Fiction. If you stare at the disc hard enough, you can almost see the laziness.

These things fall into three categories, which I'm going to label as follows; 1) genuine, 2) press-kit patchwork and 3) nepotistic charity.

1) Genuine
I'd guesstimate that something in the region of 95% of making ofs are garbage, but this leaves another 5% which are genuinely good. Im thinking of Paul Thomas Andersons Magnolia Diary which does exactly what it says on the box. Its an honest diary of the making of Magnolia, which is an insight into how Anderson works, both visually and in terms of directing actors, as we follow him through the conception, pre-production, shooting and post-production. The making of a film is often a dramatic narrative all of its own, so with some real thought and effort the capturing of this process can stand up as a work in its own right. A good example is The Joy Of Madness, Hana Makhmalbafs documentary about her sister Samiras filming At Five In The Afternoon, which was deemed to be so good it was released in theatres. Hana was just 14 years old at the time, which begs the question: if a little girl can make a decent fist of it, why cant a multi-million dollar production studio?

2) Press-kit patchwork
Of the remaining 95% its safe to say that about half of these are press-kit patchworks. Basically, some hateful individual gathered up all the promotional interviews that surrounded the films release, edited them together so that the interviewees are talking about more or less the same thing and then hired whoever it is that seems to do all the voiceovers for these things. (Ive always wanted to meet the mysterious voiceover man) to vaguely link it all together and give it some semblance of authenticity. The resulting compendium of promotional interviews is about half an hour of co-star backslapping, and directors lying through their teeth about how Julia or J-Lo was so easy to work with and not the power mad diva shes been made out to be. As with the trailer, its just marketing, encouraging you to buy the film you already own. If you do own any discs with a making of like this, and if you can work out how to do it, I recommend scratching the disc in a very precise manner so that just the making of featurette is ruined.
[BB]
3) Nepotistic charity
This is the most tragic of all the making of headings, whereby a famous and talented director leaves one of his lesser famous and lesser talented family members in charge of the making of. Its a nice gesture but no-one should have to see the results, and no one should ever have to pay money to own them. My favourite example is Rushmore The film itself is priceless, almost perfect, but Wes Anderson has let his brother Eric Chase Anderson handle documentary duties. The resulting feauterette (ugh!) suggests that the reason Wes Anderson is so talented is because he inherited every last drop of camera wielding talent in the Anderson clan. A bit like in that film Twins with Arnold Scwarzenegger and Danny De Vito, when Arnie gets all the good genes and Danny gets whats leftover. Actually, this is a little harsh as Eric is a talented illustrator, but would he have been in charge of the The Making Of Rushmore if Wes werent directing?

What of that other DVD stalwart, the directors commentary? A good one can be a wonderful thing. It can provide fascinating insights, reveal aspects of the filmmaking process and be a source of interesting trivia. Good examples include Richard Kellys commentary on Donnie Darko which goes some way to solving the riddle of the film or the in character cast commentary on This Is Spinal Tap which is almost as good as the film itself.

More often though its either far too technical, even for those who are interested in such things, or too chummy, heading back into Julia was wonderful to work with territory. As a result, many commentaries are duller than waiting for a bus, and the chief reason for this is that the directors you really want to hear from are the ones most reluctant to exercise their vocal chords. Can you imagine a Tarantino commentary? And wouldnt it be fascinating to hear what the famously reticent Coen brothers have to say about Barton Fink?

All this aside, the most offensive aspect of the whole DVD industry is the aggressive marketing, which again makes elaborate use of the word special. Not just special editions, but collectors editions, anniversary editions, double disc collectors editions, ultimate editions and all other kinds of editions which are just the same film with varying degrees of second, thirds and fourth rate supplementary material. Did you know theres a regular Terminator 2 DVD, a Terminator 2 Ultimate Edition DVD and a Terminator 2 Extreme Edition DVD?
And you might think that Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring is a long enough title already, but now you can buy The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring Platinum Series Special Extended Edition. Title not long enough for you? Then you need The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set (pictured).

It's been said before, and it will be said again but all these special editions exist purely to squeeze more money from the DVD buying public. The spotty teenage Gandalf enthusiast who shelled out his paper round money for the original Lord Of The Rings DVD now has to dig even deeper into his pockets for the new, more elaborately titled disc. And did Police Academy really warrant a Twentieth Anniversary Edition?

We're being force fed the idea that it's necessary to collect these shiny expensive circles, but who can honestly say they get their money's worth? Outside of a few absolutely classic films that stand up to repeated viewing (Im thinking The Godfather here) are DVDs really worth owning? All those people who rushed out and paid good money for Bad Boys II, how many times will they sit through that in their lifetime?

Worst of all, the crystal clear image and faultless pause facility of the pixilated image, means that Im now fairly certain that Sharon Stone was wearing underwear after all. The world was a better place when I thought she wasnt.

Politics Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more fertile grounds, leaving with us just the memories of 8-color rainbows, singing Korean women and couple of nuclear weapons. But who was this man whose next ambition would have been to get the next Nobel Peace prize? Here are just a few facts you should know about. more Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination 26.Aug 2011 Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT 10.Mar 2011 ...read Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ! 10.Mar 2011 Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read Recipe for A REVOLUTION! (10 easy steps - try not to get burned!) 28.Feb 2011 Rebellion is cooking in the air. People are mad as hell, and not going to take...read THE ASSANGE CASE. CIA INTERFERED WITH SWEDISH LEGAL PROCESSES EXTREME RIGHT POLITICS A DANGER TO EUROPEAN UNITY THE AUSTRALIAN LABOR PARTY. OUT OF TOUCH, OUT OF FOCUS, OUT OF CREDIBILITY AND HOPEFULLY, OUT OF THE DOOR Opinion World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case) EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the governments of all the countries in the world as well as the operators actually in power in these countries with operating a criminal enterprise, the Galaxy warriors announced Today. more The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem 5.Mar 2011 So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read Top 7 Expensive Bordellos. Prostitution: Shakedown, Tier Down, and Priced Out 31.Jan 2011 According to a report of the Washington DC-based US Department of State, The Ph...read The Great Secret and Reason for the JFK Assassination 11.Oct 2010 The great question is why the great secret? On June 4 1963, President Kennedy s...read Don't Do it! The 3 Worst Times to Get Tattoos 4.Oct 2010 As a general rule, tattoos gotten after 2 am are a bad idea. But in a bigger pi...read

Travel Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN 13.Sep 2010 TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read more TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL. 5.Jun 2010 Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES 16.Apr 2010 Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA. 5.Apr 2010 Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS. 2.Apr 2010 Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read Sport No Payoff From the Playoffs $16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire Stupid Athlete Tricks Technology Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks Twittering: I'm not that interesting Cheers Jesus' Answering Machine Brown Couch or twelve midgets in the town square How To Be Happy Drugged Out Saturday Nights Muslim Decapitation: Bad, or Simply Misunderstood?