How to overcome the tension after a personal tragedy

All of us would experience some kind of a tension some time or the other in our life. The worst, of course, would be the one arising after the loss of a loved one. However difficult it may seem, one has to overcome it because the survivor(s) have to live on this Earth despite his/her absence. Some suggestions are given here as a result of personal experience.

Share your tension
It would be good to talk about it with someone close to you. Sharing it, would melt off the stress to a large extent. Possibly the other person may comfort and console you and that could act as your good medicine. Even otherwise, you would feel light having thrown the burden on some else's shoulder.

Get away for a while
Change of location and a new atmosphere, is another escape plan. New surroundings do help. When you see the same faces (in your original location), your memory will slip back to the area of tension. If one outdoor sojourn hasn't helped, try another and another until you feel somewhat relaxed.

Be a doer of good acts
When persons in need , including beggars, stand at your gate, don't drive them away. Go over and have a word or two with them. When you hear their problems, yours would look comparatively small and bearable as well. Don't send them away empty handed either. That little smile on their face on receiving a small amount of cash, would revive your own spirit of generosity and the will to live and you would feel as if a heavy burden on your back is sliding down.

Be always available to others
Just because of your terrible distress, don't shut yourself from the world. If people come to see you or call on you , do give them time and possibly share your sorrow also with them. Join them in their happiness if any. Let your mind dwell on some of their stories.

Keep yourself busy
It is said that idle mind is a devil's workshop. Same applies during this phase of affliction. Keep doing something or the other and allow your mind to get away from the throes of your calamity. You must spend hours on this point until you get fatigued or go off to sleep on an afternoon nap.

Epilogue
Dear readers, I have written the above consequent to a personal tragedy. My wife was in the hospital for six weeks with multifarious complaints. She knew and so did I, that she would not return home – alive. Perhaps, she had a premonition. We had to accept that possibility and we did without inhibition. Chandra talked about her impending death with total openness without a trace of any fear about it. When she asked me how I would spend my time after her, I said bravely, "Yes, darling, I can bear that loss. Won't fret and won't brood……". Did she believe it all? I didn't know. But I in my heart knew that I was lying. Brave words had been uttered.

God took her away at the end of six weeks. Doctors couldn't save her from so many ailments. The Death report however said only one thing,, "Death due to kidney failure".

When her lifeless body was brought home, I was trying to act bold; I couldn't shed tears in the presence of my children, though grown up they were. After her burial, I found my home an empty place. I just couldn't accept the truth that she was no more and yet one part of my heart kept reverberating with the words, "She is gone. She is gone …".

It's now 3 months and I am still trying to come to terms with the new order. I am practicing what I have listed above and they are certainly doing some good. But it will take time. A married life of 57 years and 8 days could not be forgotten in 57 days. And I had known Chandra for another 9 years before we got married. You would say that the age of 78 is ripe age to die. Do you expect me to endorse it though I am 83 myself. No friend. I will overcome this sorrow somehow but only after years. Until then I shall observe the steps I had enumerated above. May the true God bless you and prolong your life.

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