Baby Hitler Resides in Topeka, Kansas
"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue
from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile"-1 Peter 3:10
Some people say you can't get too much of a good thing. On most things I tend
to agree with that philosophy. You can never get enough good college football,
cheap whiskey, high end hookers, or steak. You can overdo it on these things,
but it takes a lot of effort. Even if you do overdo it you may temporarily feel
the bloat of excess, but while you are lying there wallowing in the decadence
you can always look back fondly on the memories.
But I have altered my philosophy a bit when it comes to total free speech. Now
don't get me wrong, I still believe people have the right to do Almost anything
they want. I believe that a person has the right to watch "Hairy Honey's #18"
while fingering their ass with syrup. I believe that a man has the right to go
into a Waffle House and seriate his teenage wife with Willie Nelson love
ballads. I believe that a person has the right to rap about a fucking set of
platinum teeth if they want. However one man has made me realize that a person
does not have the right to say or do whatever they damn-well please without
fear of repercussion.
I have given a name to my pain, and that name is Fred Phelps. If you have been
watching the news lately you have seen a horde of religious zealots called the
protesting at the funerals of dead
soldiers. No, they aren't there preaching that war is wrong and that we should
withdraw. They are spewing all sorts of religious venom at the mourning family
members declaring that God killed their son because the
is a "fag enabler". This would be a good time to insert uproarious laughter,
but this is no joke my dear friends. These goddamn religious fanatics have the
fucking gall to use a soldier's funeral as a platform to preach their bullshit.
If there is anything more uncivilized as disrespecting a person's funeral you'd
be hard-pressed to find it.
You may not be too concerned about their antics because you may not like
homosexuals either, but their hate doesn't just end with queers. The WBC has
publicly came forward to smear the names of Matthew Shepard, Scandinavians,
Cindy Sheehan, the Sago Mine victims, Coretta Scott King, and even Mr. Rogers.
How in the blue hell could someone hate Mr. Rogers? That man would have taken
his shoes off before entering a crack house and this scumbag wants to pick on
Any group that supports sex outside of the marital bed also comes under their
wrath. Sodomites are one of the groups that Phelps and his acolytes hate the
most. So if you have ever done a little backdoor experimentation with your
girlfriend, with consent of course, then these punks think you should burn in
eternal Hell. Lesbians don't get a free pass either. Even though there is no
penetration during lesbian sex the WBC gives them the same denunciation as
their male counterparts. If you enjoy watching a little Sapphic lovemaking,
which almost all men still producing testosterone do, then you're the enemy as
well. Even if you don't engage in any of these activities or approve of them
you are also guilty in the eyes of Phelps because you are "enabling" all of
this behavior to take place by not doing anything. In their eyes we are ALL guilty;
they are the only ones who are Right.
Over the years the neo-Nazi Phelps has praised everything from AIDS to Fidel
Castro. He has applauded natural disasters such as hurricane Katrina as God's
way of telling us "to straighten our act up". He is also ecstatic about the
attacks of September 11th and most recently the constant stream of casualties
that are coming out of
How much of a fucking idiot can one person be? Worse than that how could so
many people support such a vile and despicable soul? Is there some kind of
magical spell that Phelps wields over these dolts? Actually, the mind control
that Phelps uses over his denomination is the most powerful and resistant
cerebral tactic known to man, and his followers are chock full of it. What is
it that I am referring to? Simple my dear Watson; its called ignorance.
Like all great cult leaders Fred Phelps has been able to cloak his minion of
inbred followers under the guise of religion. People are too afraid to put an
end to their shit because of this religious camouflage. Nobody has the cajones
to call him what he really is; the Adolf Hitler of the 2000's. There are an
estimated 100-200 of these hate filled motherfuckers who will stop at nothing
to gain approval from their anti-Christ leader. Lucky for him and his group
they set up shop in
places backwards enough to tolerate such bullshit. I once heard a comedian say
"You know why they call the
heartland? Because the brain isn't there".
There have been many opportunities to stop this villain before he even got
started, but because of his religion shield nobody has had the balls to bring
the hammer down on him. During his life he has accumulated a rap sheet that is
comparable to Trick Daddy's. Phelps has been arrested for assault, battery,
threats, trespassing, contempt of court, disorderly conduct, attempted
extortion, and he is widely presumed to have played a part in the death of his
son's 17 year old girlfriend, Debbie Valgos. He has also been arrested in
for hate speech and made the peaceful Canucks institute the "Jack Chick Law"
which is designed to curtail hateful speech and actions. And these are just the
"judicial" laws that he is on record as breaking. It was also reported in the
book "Addicted to Hate" that Phelps proudly beat his wife and children.
While on the subject of his less than reputable character we should mention the
book he wrote with his son-in-law called "The Conspiracy". I don't want to bore
you with book reports but in a nutshell it claims that Truman Capote contracted
AIDS in an orgy with African tribesmen. Then Capote passed the AIDS virus to
John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe during a football game. And if that isn't
bizarre enough for you he also claims that the CIA assassinated all three of
them to keep the disease from spreading.
Where I grew up it was common practice to "put down" an animal that had went
wild to protect the welfare of the rest of the citizens. If there ever was a
human being that deserved this kind of remedy it would be one Fred Phelps.
Hopefully sometime soon somebody will make this genetic fuck-up take the dirt
nap. There are certainly enough qualified people to complete the task. Any
distraught family member or half crazy biker gang member has the opportunity to
end all of this mayhem if they ever chose to. But then again
has turned into such a pussyfied country that we don't even have the balls to
stand up for what is right anymore. That goes double for anything with the
"Religion" moniker attached to it. This is not slander, it's the truth. In 1996
sheriff Beavers was fired because he had instated a no arrest policy against
Phelps and the WBC. You just know that if Phelps would have been the owner of a
porn store he would be sharing a cell with Saddam Hussein, but because he is
involved with a religious organization he is immune to any prosecution.
The only thing that makes me sicker than Phelps is the pathetic response from
the deceased soldier's family members. People have become too goddamn
civilized. I'd just like to see the WBC come to my hometown and disgrace a
funeral like they have in other parts of the country. There would be a lot more
on the screen than just a bunch of teary eyed mourners stammering for some sort
of verbal retaliation. Phelps and his followers would be drinking meals out of
straws for the remaining years of their wretched lives. That is if they made it
out alive, which more than likely they wouldn't. We'd feed their carcasses to a
bunch of starving pigs.
Actually they might not mind it too much if you did pop a cap in their ass.
They are so excited about meeting God that they would probably welcome the
prospect of leaving this "sinful" world. Why would they want to live in a world
where "Miami Culo Grande #2" is the top selling porn in the land anyway? Some
people may be thinking I am being a bit harsh in my condemnation of this group
but really I'm not. If they want to see those of us that aren't pure die a most
horrible death, then I have no qualms at all about wishing that they be skinned
alive by a bunch of cannibalistic savages. According to the Bible you should
treat those as thou hath been treated, or some similar gibberish.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
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