Fake-news author killed by 3 one-legged prostitutes

WASHINGTON, March 21 – Harry Twohooter was found in Dexter’s Laboratory dead naked. His hair had been tweezed out one by one. Police thinks it’s a job of a hair collector. “Considering the amount of hair Harry had and the way all his red curls had been taken out of his head, we have a reason to believe it wasn’t his mad wife,” said the inspector in charge of the investigation.

You may remember Harry Twohooter from our story about the former couple Bush and Kerry. Independent of the investigation results of the Washington police department, our magazine’s investigation team has found proof that his murderer isn’t a simple hair collector, but rather it was a team of one-legged prostitutes who killed him for a simple revenge.

About two months ago Harry offered us a story about a bordello in the eastern part of Washington. We didn’t want the story because of our owner’s good relationships with the kinky sluthouse (Roberto is a regular customer in there). However, the story itself was good, so in hopes that the owner of this magazine understands my reason for talking about it, I’d like to enlighten you a bit about the contents of his piece which he eventually managed to publish in The Sun.

Now that's freaky

Harry has done some really good job with fake-news and such. However, in this story he used the real material and mixed it with made-up stuff. And that’s what we feel was fatal to him. He had found a bordello which was used frequently by the players of his top article. Bush and Kerry to be exact.

He disguised himself as an elderly naked woman and wanted to find a job in there. However, once he arrived in the elite house, it was a nightmare from the beginning. As it turned out normal elderly girls weren’t welcome in there. It was the house for simply-said freaks. Shemales with 1 leg. That was their uniqueness and that’s what was used to attract famous people. Bush, Kerry are good examples. They all had had freaky wishes already for a long time and not until 6 months ago they found “their own” place to satisfy their needs. I must say that I really do must hail the founders of this great business venture as this was really a new find.

Pimp from Microsoft

The director, pimp of this house, had had the idea to create something like this already for a long time, while he was working with Microsoft. However, at that time he didn’t think it would be worthwhile. After being laid off due to licking a lollipop all the time he decided it was time to give it a try. That was a bit more than 6 months ago. He put up a note to the homeless shelter and offered good money for a modelling position. The position had only two requirements – the ideal candidate would be shemale and have only one leg. In case of candidates who didn’t fill the requirement need he was ready to offer a helping hand. He was sent tons of applications and after he had approved 10 of them he was ready to go.

Railroad and a heavy train

Now he only had to hire Nip/Tuck for 3 of them who weren’t really shemales but rather just plain homos. And all of them still had 2 legs. But for a good job we are all ready to make couple of modifications to fill the position. I know I would. However, the pimp didn’t have the money for all the needed operations, so for getting rid of the 1 leg he used a railroad and one really heavy train. And loads of painkillers were helpful as well.

Soon he was ready to pimp the gals and his business got popular very fast. He took payments via credit cards and everyone were happy. Even the one-legged prostitutes.

[BB]

So as you can see, Harry’s disguise as a elderly healthy woman didn’t really work well, so he didn’t get a job. His journalistic experiment was dead right from the start. He wasn’t ready to get rid of his leg, he really wasn’t. So there wasn’t much to do for him than to make up the story totally.

TV-Shop approach - BEFORE & AFTER

However, when doing it he used some not very common tricks. He decided to use the TV-shop approach and use the BEFORE and AFTER technique. For starters he managed to get an interview with couple of the prostitutes. He talked to them for hours, about their life, about their opinion on their president, about moon and stars.

And he also asked each of them – what would you do if your workplace was burned down? Two of his interviwees didn’t answer anything. The third one said that she would be out of job then, and would start looking for another one.

Fatal mistake

Now he was ready for the AFTER part. One day, 2pm (when there was noone in the building, after all, it was christmas) he put the sluthouse on fire. Next day there was nothing left. The pimp had been busted for forgery and the one-legged prostitutes were all out of job. Tough luck.

Noone knew who had burned down the building. The prostitutes started looking for a new job, but noone wanted them. One-legged shemales – tough luck I must say. Noone wanted them, except for one other bordello ran by the pimp’s ex-co-worker. However, in addition to the other requirements (which they had filled already) they needed to have red curly hair. That’s something they didn’t have and they had no idea where to get it.

One day at the bus stop they noticed Harry. He was talking to the editor of New York Times. Laughing about something. One louder than the other. They talked about their former house and CherryCola, one of the prostitutes heard them. Poor Harry.

I mentioned earlier that Harry had red curly hair. I also mentioned that this was exactly what the prostitutes needed. And I think you can assume yourself how pissed they were at Harry.

A few months later Harry was found dead without his hair. Who’s to blame? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the hair collector like the police thinks.

PS: For those who were already celebrating – we have just found out that Harry actually isn’t dead. It was kind of a set-up. He wanted to make a good story and so he did. He had framed his own murder to get to the front page.

PPS: And to tell you the truth, the murder itself was framed as well. Noone was injured during the development of this article.

PPPS: Noone got paid for this article either.

PPPPS: And noone ever will.

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