Dear Doc Kee-
Do you ever get the feeling that you could run a business better than the bosses? I often think that way. Am I over confident, or what?
I am a good person, I want the best for things, yet co-workers of mine make uncaring, uncompassionate decisions without regard for the impact on the business overall.
Do I stand by and watch others suffer? Is it just a matter of delivering my message diplomatically? I am no leader.
Signed,
Know-It-All In New Jersey.
In response to Know-It-All In New Jersey: Well, Know-It-All, I think that most employees believe that they can run the business better than the bosses because they deal directly with the customer and know what enhancements should be made to effectively boost profits, in addition to ultimately satisfying the customer. The employees gain knowledge of new information that the bosses may or may not consider important enough to pay attention to. They feel that the information isnt going to affect them; however, an employee would take advantage of the opportunity being afforded to them. I do not think that you are over confident. I think that you have recognized the short-comings and challenges that currently exist and want to take the necessary steps to make amendations before it impacts the company overall.
Unfortunately, being the one person in the office thats bothered by the decision making process can cause office drama. Most people come to work solely to collect a paycheck or to abuse power because they do not have it at home. Until they realize that the decisions being made could ultimately prohibit growth or cause obliteration it will continue. One more item that I have observed is some bosses make heartless, dispassionate decisions on purpose, especially if they see an opportunity that will benefit them in the long run (keeping his or her job, or advancement).
No, you shouldnt stand or sit there, which would allow these individuals to continue to make unhealthy decisions. I encourage you to speak with others in the organization; you may be surprised to find that others feel that way. Even though you may not see yourself as a leader, I disagree because a leader looks for feedback before attempting to implement, change, or voice his or her opinions. I hope that you voice yours via email or inter-office memo so people become aware of whats going on in the office.
Dear Doc Kee-
My sister is seeing a married man. She finally revealed this to me the other day, though I had had my suspicions for some time. In our conversation, she initially justified her indiscretion by saying she didn't want to "steal" him from his wife. It was just...fun. But my little sis, the girl I pushed home in a wheelbarrow everyday after kindergarten (we used to race the neighbors!) was sitting on my bed in tears, telling me this sad story.
I don't care what it started out as. No one is having "fun" anymore. She claims she doesn't know how to end it. I think she doesn't have the heart to end it with him.
I think I should take a baseball bat and have a...friendly conversation with him. What do you think?
(He's a cop, by the way. Jeesh!)
Signed,
Pissed at the guy playing 'good cop/bad cop' with my little sister.
In response to "Pissed": Well, Pissed, I understand your feeling of displeasure with your sister. The same person that you engaged in innocent recreation with when you were younger is a grown woman now, and she made the conscious decision to deal with this man knowing that he had a wife at home. It may have been a past-time to her in the beginning, I dont want to take him from his wife or It was fun. Sneaking around to have sex was entertaining until someones feelings surfaced, which disposed of the adventure and triggered a situation that could ultimately cause a problem for both him and his unknowing wife. I hear that sex with a married man is so exciting that the risk of getting caught is worth it, but is that really true? Only she can answer that.
I also understand that she may have several reasons why she doesnt want to call it quits with this cop, but she has to realize that this is the best thing that she can do for herself. She has to forget about the perks that come with dating a cop like disappearing tickets, etc.
The majority of men that cheat do not leave their wives; its cheaper to keep her!
Secondly, if a woman is lucky enough to find a cheater that will leave his wife, trust and believe that he is not leaving because of her. He has several courtships going on. These guys repeat this sequence over and over again. What goes around comes right back around, its a cycle.
I understand that you want to take care of your little sister, but taking a bat to this man's head (which I would do if I had a sister or one in a similar situationJ) will only create an uglier problem. He is a cop and he can make life uncomfortable for your sister and the family. I think she should slowly decrease the amount of time that she spends with him. He wont question this since it allows him to find someone else to be with or spend time with the other other woman.
Being a cop doesnt change the fact that men cheat. He may be abusing his power as men often do, regardless of title. I encourage you to help her in any way possible without physical contact on both ends. I hope this helps. Let me know how it turns out.
Dear Doc Kee-
What should I do? I work in management at a fledgling organization with lots of women alongside me in the leadership. We have a tough time seeing eye to eye. I keep thinking maybe I should leave! But that's always been my way, to run when the going gets tough. I do not want to repeat my father's numerous mistakes in life and become someone who had the world at their fingertips, but let it all slip away. Signed, Caught in a cat fight In response to Caught in a cat fight in Illinois: Well, Caught, in my opinion I feel you already have the crucial answer, which is not to quit because that will not unravel the problem. The one thing Ive acknowledged in corporate America is women are the new faces of executives and regardless of race, education or social backgrounds they manage to bring their ways of behaving to the work place. Most of the time it is a personal problem that creates tension and prevents the group from coming up with a solution.
Im happy that you recognize the problem, recognizing it brings you one step closer to resolving it. In my opinion, I would suggest that you and your co-workers go out for lunch or dinner to discuss some of the items on the agenda; you would be surprised how much more can be accomplished once you remove a person from one environment and place her or him in another. The one thing I will tell you is that it's definitely different for men in the workforce. They keep it strictly professional, and if the conversation does digress its normally no more than asking about the wife and kids. When men do not see eye to eye it becomes a simple task of playing golf, etc, to come up with an evenhanded solution. Do not let any opportunities for advancement slip through your fingertips. If going out the lunch or dinner doesnt help, keeping all conversation brief and to the point may help reduce the misunderstandings or eliminate the not seeing eye to eye. Stress to your peers that team isnt spelled with an I so they need to understand that each and every one of you brings something different to the table and embrace it before it completely falls apart. A team can only be strong if they are standing up together as one.
You can 'Ask Doc Kee' for advice on life's most pressing questions by emailing the "doc" at cyncerestud29@yahoo.com. Advice is for entertainment use only.
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