Renart cops a "nolo contendre" plea on a charge of bestiality with road kill (mostly female)

Judge: Mr. Renfart, I mean Renart, do you understand the charge agin you?
Renart: Who the fuck are you?
Judge: I'm the judge you dumb fuck!
Renart: That probably explains the robe and the coin that you are flipping.
Judge: Madam, I mean Sir.....the charge against you is bestiality with road kill. How do you plead?
Renart: To what?
Judge: To Bestiality with road kill. Are you an idiot savante without the savant?
Renart: I swear that I did not penetrate the road kill.....and if I did, it was only two inches!
Judge: How do you know it was two inches?
Renart: Cause that's all me gots.

Your cunt-ness? I mean your honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Is there an echo in here?
Renart: Your fuck-face-ness.....I mean your Honor?
Judge: If you repeat it again ....I'll have you handcuffed by the baliff.
Renart: Can I choose the baliff with the tight jeans?
Judge: How do jew plead to the bestiality with road kill charge?
Renart: I did not assault the road kill.........well.....except for my dick.
Judge: And would the road kill recognize your dick.......I mean your member
Renart: Your Honor, I am not a member.....I never joined.

And how could the road kill recognize me dick........the road kill be dead your Dumbfuckedness........I mean your Honor!
Judge: (losing patience) So you admit that you did penetrate the road kill with your pecker.....I mean penis?
Renart: Your Holiness.....I can not tell a lay.....I mean lie. I fucked the fucking road kill....but I plead extenuated dick.......I mean extenuating cirCUMstances.
Judge: And what, I pray tell.....were the extended cirCUMstances?
Renart: I doesn't know....but I plead an Alfred.
Judge: Do you mean an Alford?
Renart: I don't give a shit........as long as it gets me off.....and I already told you how long the assault was........two inches.
Judge: And was the road kill male or female?
Renart: What's it to jew.....I mean you?
Judge: Homosexual bestiality with road kill carries a sentence of 15 years.

Heterosexuality with road kills is cuntsidered more normal and carries a sentence of only 10 years.
Renart: For the 5 years less, I'll fuck the female gopher.
Judge: It was a gopher? My records indicate it was a porcupine.
Renart: Do I look like an idiot to you? Who the fuck would try to screw a porcupine?
Judge: So it was a gopher?
Renart: Yea....and it was female.....I am not gay your Honor. Fucking a male dead gopher is just plain SICK! I fucked a female dead gopher---I am not queer or weird.
Judge: Let's let the jury determine that.
Renart: I don't see no jury.
Judge: Oh....that's right.......I have to decide this sick case myself.
Renart: Your Honor.....I read in the Washington Pissed, I mean Post, that in West Virginie, 15 road kill sheep were fucked.
Judge: I have never even been to West VIrginia.!!!
Renart: Can you prove that?
Judge: Hey YOU are trial there. OK so I was in West VIrginia, but it was well before those sheep was raped. Do you have any photos I can take home....I mean into custody.?
Renart: Only a video of me fucking the gopher----and it was female.!
Judge: and why is your member sticking out of your pants with a gauze bandage wrapped around your dick........I mean member?
Renart: Your dicklessness....when I pulled it out of the dead MALE gopher and put it into his mouth and I stroked its head........in involuntarily chomped down on my pecker.
Judge: Do you have a photo to corroborate that?
Renart: No you dumb shit.....Could YOU take a photo of a dead gopher when it is chomping down on your shlong?
Judge: Yes.....and I have......but with a dead possum. Strike what I just said from the record.!!

Then the 15 PETA observers in the courtroom get up and attack the judge and Renart for their crimes against animules.

Renart hides under the judge's robe.
Renart considers "doing" the judge......but he decides he is not gay so he runs to the female State's Attorney and hides under her skirt.
The buxom State's Attorney, showing her full-figure-ness, rack and pinion....I mean rack and cleavage...... enjoys Renart's undercover "work" tremendously then follows Renart home.

FIN

Horovitch receives a Pulizer Prize for this story.....but does not attend the ceremony because he prefers to be at a family reunion in West VIrginia where he "knows" a lot of his cousin's sheep .

The cousins sheep that he "knows" are mostly female because as he says "I am not weird." :)

Politics AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER KEVIN RUDD DEPOSED BY ALP JUNTA. JULIA GILLARD IS NEW PM WITH ALP POWER BROKERS IN CHARGE OF RUNNING THE GOVERNMENT In a particularly grubby manner, Australia’s Prime Minster Kevin Rudd, has been deposed as PM by Australian Labor Party (ALP) secretaries, ALP power brokers and other ALP ‘nobodies’ , all in a matter of 24 hours and in a manner that would lead Australian voters to question as to who is really in charge of the Australian Government. more THE US GOVERNMENT CLEANING ISRAEL’S DIRTY LAUNDRY 3.Jun 2010 It is fascinating to watch how some governments surround themselves in a veil o...read NUCLEAR-ARMED ISRAEL CONFIRMED AS BEING A ROGUE STATE 2.Jun 2010 Once again, Israel has shown that the country has little or no regard for inter...read The Invaluable Culture of Asia: The Many Names of Burma 27.May 2010 Closer look into Burma/Myanmar and background info on what, how and why the sit...read The sex scandals in catholic churches 10.Apr 2010 There are far too many news items about priests from the catholic churches indu...read Burma 2010: The Economic Shakedown and the Backstage of the Theatre of War Kingdom of Thailand: The Soul of the Silent Tree CATHOLIC CHURCH OFFICIALS. ARREST AND INVESTIGATION WARRANTS LIKELY. Opinion Making a half empty glass, half full A lack of confidence can breed a vicious cycle. The more you ruminate over the topic, the more depressed and often insecure you can become about it. more Telstra Bigpond - What an Experience! 11.May 2010 Have you ever tried to get your internet connected amidst incompetence and inef...read How to overcome the tension after a personal tragedy 15.Apr 2010 All of us would experience some kind of a tension some time or the other in o...read Primary Colors 14.Apr 2010 I wrote this article because it upsets me how cruel humans are toward each othe...read Israel and Palestine: The World compelled to Listen 11.Apr 2010 As the Israeli–Palestinian conflict has become more and more difficult to repor...read

Travel TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL. 5.Jun 2010 Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read more TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES 16.Apr 2010 Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA. 5.Apr 2010 Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS. 2.Apr 2010 Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY. 14 DECEMBER 2009. DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN. 14.Dec 2009 Given the political and human rights situation in Iran, Travelwise advises pote...read Sport No Payoff From the Playoffs $16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire Stupid Athlete Tricks Technology Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks Twittering: I'm not that interesting Cheers Jesus' Answering Machine Brown Couch or twelve midgets in the town square How To Be Happy Drugged Out Saturday Nights Muslim Decapitation: Bad, or Simply Misunderstood?