Dear Diary,
Maybe we all like to believe in love. Whether we believe if it's love at first sight or soul mates. I know I do. And maybe people would think I was living in a fairy tale after saying that. I have gone to tremendous lengths and past obstacles in the past for what I thought was love. I once was told by a very wise man who is my father that love doesn't come on your terms. And most of the time you don't see it because you're looking for it so hard. But, then the question remains, is how do we know if what we have with someone is that true, ultimate love? I don't think that it comes with just one answer. I think that each individual that has found it would have their own way of answering that. There has been a time that I thought that love would never find me. Or I would never find it. But, it has been proven that patience and not seeking it so hard would eventually lead me to it's path.
I don't know why I thought of this tonight or what evoked the question. But, I know that it is a thought that had weighed heavily on my mind. I had for a long time chosen to avoid it. Why would I want to toy with the thought of love? How do I even know what it is? Everything in the past has left me in confusion with this particular subject. But, then as I sit here writing, I noticed that maybe love has a way of making you think about things like this. I have fallen! And it feels so right to fall as deep as I have. But, then, there is the fear that creeps in every now and then. The fear that if I believe in it too much and let myself fall deeper, maybe I had jinxing myself. Maybe I will wake up from this long awaited dream. But, the night passes and I awake to hear that voice, the voice that let's me know that everything is real and okay. And I see that smile that reassures me that I in fact am not dreaming.
He has caught me off guard . He came out of no where. And with him I feel completely safe and calm. I know that he loves me by the way he smiles and how he looks at me. But, even so I still pray that there is another day of holding his hand and hearing his laughter. How is it that once you leave a relationship regretting the fact that you invested so much feeling and swear off love forever just to find yourself falling in it all over again? That is something that will always be a mystery to me. Just when I gave up looking for it, it found me. He found me and gave me new meaning in life. He has restored all hope, faith and trust that I had lost long ago. I can sit here all night and question love and how it works and even why. I will never come up with the right answer. Maybe love is just love. Simple as that. No matter what the answer may be I know that I have found it. My heart has found a home.
To the man in my life, I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for the smiles, the laughs and most of all for you. You are truly my Angel!
Till next time .......
XOXO's,
Penny
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