Your profile
Your profile
Share the story at Stumbleupon
Subscribe to our weekly Bonk Mail
Who is online now?





Things That Make Ya Go WTF?

Article by
Actor/Comedian/Writer

Read comments (4)
The judicial process in the USA is starting to resemble a freak show. Bars and restaurants get sued for people who cant behave properly within the establishments. You can sue a person for looking at you funny, you can sue someone for putting cream in your coffee. You can sue a town for not letting you put on a Heterosexual Day Parade [I'll save that whole thing for another column].

It's like everyone's out to stick it to everybody. Dog eat dog. People don't care if they screw the system because they feel like the system screws them without a condom on a daily basis. The system feels like everyones out to screw it so we wind up with many little things blown out of proportion for the sake of the dog and pony show. You wanna talk about a fisting? The Clinton library cost 165 million dollars to build. $165,000,000.00! You could educate more kids than that place ever will with that dough, but instead we needed to build a library in a State that aint too well known as a vacation hot spot for families.

They expect about 300,000 people a year to visit [in reality that means about 50,000 people because as we all know government exaggerates what it needs to for certain things and understates where it needs to so it can get people to believe a certain way] at 7 bucks a head. You do the math. I don't see the library ever turning a profit but I can see it costing another 5 million a year to maintain. Who can the U.S. citizen sue for that mismanagement? No one. Real businesses can't create businesses designed to lose money but the Government can. On the other hand lawyers seem to justify any lawsuit they take on if it has at least six figures involved [for them].

Maybe we can find a sleaze to investigate if in fact the $165,000,000.00 raised to build the Clinton library was actually from "private donors". Even if it was, does anyone believe that the maintenance and yearly budget will not be funded on the backs of US Citizens? Are you fucking kidding me? How about the $15,000,000,000.00 [that's 15 BILLION] wasted on this big dig site in Teddy Kennedy's state? These are the kinds of cases that should be brought into the system not some weenie who spilled hot coffee on his peeshalini.

[BB]

A friend of mine was telling me how some moron sued a well-known RV company. Some guy was driving on a cross-country trip in his new RV. This guy put his vehicle on cruise control, left his drivers seat and went to bathroom. One problem, he did it while it was on cruise control. The moron sued the RV Company and WON! He claimed that the RV manual didn't provide information about NOT LEAVING YOUR SEAT WHILE DRIVING ON CRUISE CONTROL. Does someone really need to be told this? After we're all past the age of 4 we don't need to be told when to flush the toilet but this guy needed to be told not to leave his seat while driving? Absolutely insane! You can sue anyone and in some instances, anything, anytime. All you need is some ambulance-chasing-maggot-drama king/queen lawyer whos willing to let you keep about 50% of whatever the viper can get you.

Case in point:

A man is suing fast food restaurants in the USA. This gravitationally challenged man ate at fast food restaurants for years and claims that he wasnt warned about the fact that the shit he was consuming in mass quantities wasn't the best stuff in the world for him. Whatd this guy think he was eating? Organically grown hamburgers? I don't know about you but no one ever had to tell me that fast food wasn't healthy. Think about this. This stuff at a fast food joint takes what? Fifty? Sixty seconds tops? Now ladies, and only the ladies: You know that anything that comes in less than a minute can't possibly do you any good right? I rest my case.

Its these kind of lawsuits that jam up the whole legal system. Somehow, someway we need to find a way to stop people from filing these bullshit lawsuits. I think that if we strung people up by their thumbs and beat them on national television in the context of a Reality TV show that might have some impact. I think that if we could just find a way to ridicule these plaintiffs and the pond-scum-ambulance-chasing lawyers who clog up the system with cases that blow everything out of proportion for the sake of a big payoff then maybe, just maybe, people would think twice before filing such frivolous lawsuits. It seems that many of those types of lawyers are more like creative writers. They create scenarios [their reason for legal action], no matter how preposterous, and then try to sell that story to a group of people for a big payoff. And might I add... piss on the jury that grants these ingrates a dime.

Let me go on record here folks: If this guy suing fast food joints wins this lawsuit Im going to sue my first girlfriend for getting my hooked on sex! Why not? I wanna be rich too dammit! If thats the only I can do it and I dont have to worry about being flogged on TV its worth a try dont you think?

You Ring, I Bring






Share this article



Tags:             



Politics

Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more fertile grounds, leaving with us just the memories of 8-color rainbows, singing Korean women and couple of nuclear weapons. But who was this man whose next ambition would have been to get the next Nobel Peace prize? Here are just a few facts you should know about.

more
Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination
26.Aug 2011
Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read

ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT
10.Mar 2011
...read

Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ!
10.Mar 2011
Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read

Recipe for A REVOLUTION! (10 easy steps - try not to get burned!)
28.Feb 2011
Rebellion is cooking in the air. People are mad as hell, and not going to take...read

Opinion

World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case)

EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the governments of all the countries in the world as well as the operators actually in power in these countries with operating a criminal enterprise, the Galaxy warriors announced Today.

more
The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem
5.Mar 2011
So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read

Top 7 Expensive Bordellos. Prostitution: Shakedown, Tier Down, and Priced Out
31.Jan 2011
According to a report of the Washington DC-based US Department of State, The Ph...read

The Great Secret and Reason for the JFK Assassination
11.Oct 2010
The great question is why the great secret? On June 4 1963, President Kennedy s...read

Don't Do it! The 3 Worst Times to Get Tattoos
4.Oct 2010
As a general rule, tattoos gotten after 2 am are a bad idea. But in a bigger pi...read

Travel

Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN
13.Sep 2010
TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read

more
TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL.
5.Jun 2010
Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read

TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES
16.Apr 2010
Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read

TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA.
5.Apr 2010
Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read

TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS.
2.Apr 2010
Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read



No Payoff From the Playoffs

$16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire

Stupid Athlete Tricks




Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show

Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks

Twittering: I'm not that interesting


Cheers






norman h. says on 2005-01-10 14:26:43 about sue happy
I'd love to sue my first girlfriend, she stole my heart! LOL. Nice analogy. Twisted and bizarre but interesting to say the least.










J Bizzle says on 2004-11-23 15:12:33 about Rock On Bro
Youre damn straight these lawsuits are fuckin insane...i mean if some lady, by her own neglegance, can sue mcdonalds for not telling her that her coffee is really hot...then why cant i sue someone for not letting me go home after a few hours and a few (8) beers...










lue says on 2004-11-23 03:50:31 about legal?
Fine piece 'o writing! maybe we can pursue gov't mis-mgmt with RICO indictments!
Turn your finely tuned intelect on the traffic
problems we got coming! Good Job, Sal!










Brian says on 2004-11-22 11:26:19 about Brilliant
I'm fast becoming a fan of Mr. Amato. His wit and charm mixed with brilliant commentary intertwined with anger and black humor on a variety of topics is quite palatable. This article poses some interesting points about the United States' legal system. I especially like the idea of suings one's girlfriend.









Post Comment

 
 Your nickname
 
 About what
 
 Your comment
 
Are you human? How much is 1 + 2?
 





Sal Amato
Writer, Announcer Etc.

I Only Look Like Ron Jeremy From The Waist Down.



Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show
DSE is the world's largest international trade show and conference dedicated to digital signage, interactive technology and digital out-of-home networks and it will be taking place from March 6 to March 9, 2012.




FTD New Bonus Offer

Argonaut
Genre: Alternative
The band are led by Core Members, Lorna (Vocals & Synths) an...

The Kut
Genre: Alternative
As three female musicians on the London circuit, questions l...

The Exits
Genre: Electronic
Genre: Electro / Indie / Rock Location Portsmouth, South, U...

Trip Effect
Genre: Rock
A power trio that mashes up alternative/indie/rock with warm...

Jim Scordilis
Genre: Rock
jimscordilis@gmail.com http://www.facebook.com/jimscordil...

Valadis Gaoutsis
Genre: Rock
Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Valantis-G...

Steelianos
Genre: Rock
MYSPACE PROFILE: http://www.myspace.com/steelianos O...

Martian Sun
Genre: Rock
Music for the crazy movie playing in your head....

GL$(GOONZLIVESAVAGE)
Genre: Hip-Hop
Blood relative, born in Little Rock Arkansas. From The Wests...

Comeg
Genre: Rock
COMEG's recording career began in 2002 in a basement in Devo...

Keeping Riley
Genre: Rock
Feel good acoustic driven rock from the Jersey suburbs of Ne...















The Cheers magazine: About us | Contact us | The Cheers Story | Advertising
Work with The Cheers: Writers guide | Write for us | Writer application | Reporter application 
The Cheers:Terms and conditions | Privacy policy | Sponsoring | Sitemap
Sister sites: Tech Blog |  Best Auto Zine | Best poker affiliates | Travel destinations by weather | Cerveza | Okai - critical commentary | Get Beautiful! | The Stock game | Wifi hotspots and wireless laptops | The Daily Bonk | Best Poker Zine | Business thoughts | Political commentary | Most expensive things | Top lists | Free Spanish Courses | World News in ShortTop 10 lists 
Listen: Online radio station | Unsigned musicians | Music reviews | Listen to unknown bands
Travel World: World travel locations | Morocco Agadir travel
Travel: Travel blogs | Travel destinations | Hotel reviews | Beer around the world
Watch: Watch movies online | Watch free tv online | Watch heroes online
Trade: The Stock game | Trading competitions | Trading education
Learn: Business videos online | Business networking | Business strategies | Business ideas
Copyright © 2004-2011 The Cheers magazine / about & people