I am extremely pleased to announce that the year 2010 will be known as the "Visit Afghanistan Year 2010" and for the purpose, I have pleasure announcing some great travel packages that are likely to please many among you.
As a bit of background information, I can tell you that Afghanistan is such a peaceful place, full of harmonious conduct, a bit of wholesome corruption, the odd one or two IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) strategically placed, just to liven up your stay a little as well as the chance to see a bit of live harvesting of the odd opium crop or two.
You will get to meet various Government Ministers, they are known as warlords in Afghanistan, and you will get to know how much money these arseholes make off the various grubby individuals who convert the opium poppy crop into substances such as heroin.
These people will explain to you the art of turning an opium crop into cash, into Swiss bank accounts, into AK47s as well as a few hand-outs designed to make sure the local population stays loyal and poppy-crop productive.
When visitors are really fortunate they might even get to meet with a friendly local Taliban insurgent.
I can advise that local Taliban insurgents are the friendly type, they just love visitors.
They are fully dressed up with AK47s hanging off their arms, hand grenades in their pockets and as a sign of how far they have progressed in the world, they might even hang a TV set off a street light post and chop off a hand or two at a local stadium.
I am so pleased to advised that there are not one, but two, travel options available.
Option one comes from your own Government.
Your Government will train as to the art of being friendly towards Afghan locals. It will provide you with some gear, just in case you get to cold, and it will even provide you with the equipment to start your own fireworks display.
As a bonus, your Government will provide you with free transport aboard either a C130 or C17, two of the most comfortable and passenger-friendly aircraft in the world.
They will even throw in a head-set just to keep your ears warm.
Option two is a little more complicated, but it appears that some people from the various western countries have been determined and stupid enough to explore this sightseeing option.
It involves travelling to Pakistan and then engaging in a leisurely walking tour through some scenic countryside into Afghanistan where the local Taliban will give you a friendly welcome and a bit of training.
The training is designed to enable you to set off your own fireworks display without setting your stupid arse on fire.
If your are lucky you will get to see the local Afghan population from a different perspective but I must caution you that, should you be unlucky, as sadly many have been, some unmanned aircraft will find your training facility and make a mess of you, returning you home parcel post.
There have been rumours that some people, while participating in option two, were promised a free trip to paradise where 52 gentle virgins would await them.
Sadly, I must inform that if you had trouble finding one virgin on earth, why should there be 52 of them in paradise? I am so sorry to disappoint.
Visit Afghanistan Year 2010 bookings are limited, so hurry.
My name is Henk Luf.
And That's The Way It Is
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