In the last few weeks I've seen more and more airplanes have
"issues". Airplanes seem to be going down more often now than Traci
Lords ever did. We see engines falling off, birds getting caught in
engines, landing gear not working properly, pilots landing at the wrong
airports, pilots landing in buildings, pilots crashing into fields...
it scares theshit out me!
It's no secret to those who
know me: I'm petrified to fly. I need a bottle of scotch in me just to
get to the airport. If I have to travel less than 500 miles, I'll
drive; hell, I'd rather have darts thrown at my balls! To me, flying is
like challenging the dealer in Blackjack by telling him to hit you when
you have 19; I don't like the chances so I avoid it as much as possible.
A
few weeks ago I'm on a flight from L.A. to Chicago and I was sitting
next to this dear, sweet lady. She could tell I was nervous because I
was shaking and rattling like a person who had had entirely too much
Red Bull for their own good. So the lady asks me, "are you ok?" I say
to her, "Yes, I'm fine... I'm just scared to fly. I'll be alright."
Now
when you tell people that you're afraid to fly they always tell you the
same thing: "It's safer to fly than it is to drive" or "There's more
accidents with cars than there are with planes" or some other bullshit
that's supposed to ease your fears. Still, you know what? The one thing
they never tell you is that THE SURVIVAL RATE OF A HUMAN BEING CRASHING
INTO THE GROUND FROM 30,000 FEET IS ZERO! No one ever wants to mention
that one - God forbid should we inject reality into it!
Still,
this lady? She was like the oracle of wisdom. She had told me something
I didn't never know. She said, "not to worry, if we go down, we
actually have a heart attack and die, before we hit the ground." That's
comforting to know. I was wondering how one would come to know that in
the first place?
I don't know if I feel any better knowing what
she had told me, but one thing I did know is this: If we're going
down... she was going down too - ON ME! Hell, if that's the way it's
going end for me, I'm going first-class. I don't care who's sitting
next to me.
Saving the Tigers from extinction It was a hurriedly organized citizen’s meeting at Guwahati Press Club, where serious concerns were expressed at the increasing trend of poaching and killing of wildlife in various parts of Assam.
The EIP factor - what you should learn from it When we grow older, or get older for the sake of the argument, we tend to start seeing the world only from one side. We tend to believe, no, not believe but know, how things are done. If you are smart, you understand that it shouldn't be that way, you understand this is wrong.
It took me some time to overcome my fears. I'd hope that if I'm ever on a flight that goes down (as Mr. Amato puts it) I'd be able to get it up one last time.
Pisspants says on 2004-11-17 20:53:07 about Scared shitless
I feel EXACTLY the same way. The only good thing about flying is how quickly you get pissed at those altitudes. Brilliant black humour, well written, short, no bullshit. But do you really think you could get it up in the middle of an air disaster, much less a heart attack? She'd have to be fuckin' hot!
donald says on 2004-11-16 11:38:10 about your writing
I find you originally repulsive and irreverant. I also find that after reading your columns that you're either a very gifted writer [in the Soprano's kind of way] or simply a twisted human being. Either way I enjoy reading your material and love your website.
Whether we want to admit it or not, even now, in year 2012, there are still big gender biases in some fields of life. While it's generally understandable that men should do more heavy lifting than women and knitting fits a bit better for the women (even though I am aware even here there are many people who want to disagree), art is one of those things where our gender really should not play any significant role at all. And within the past decade things have started to change even on this front and even on the more conservative arenas such as Bukowskis - the top Nordic auction house.
