Reel Advice From the Video Store Guy

It's Deadly Species, and the only thing deadly in it is the dull.

Deadly Species

DVD

*

Directed by

Daniel Springen

Writing credits

Rory Penland

Bill Suchy

Pete Penuel .... Dr. Brinson Thomas

Allison Adams .... Marta Thomas

Brian Minyard .... Wilson Friels

Britt George .... Laird Kleeger

Jenny Coyle .... Jessica

Samaral Ibanez

David Midthunder

Heather Petrone .... Lori

R

90min

Ah, here we go again...here comes another heaping steaming dose of tripe that'll make you hate Artisan Home Entertainment, and shake your head in scornful wonderment that this bunch of no - names is so desperate for work that they're prepared to act in this pile of straight-to-video dung, thus destroying their careers before they even get started.

We start out with a couple who looks like they've gone ten rounds with either a quisinart or several angry IRS agents rushing back to their now-empty camp in the middle of the jungle. As is the standard for things like this, they're the ONLY ones surprised that the camp is empty. Most of the audience kind of figured it would be when they saw there was even a camp in the first place. A matter of seconds later, they're killed by whatever it was that did the wounding.
[BB]
Since I saw neither electrical cables or briefcases and cheap suits, I'm forced to assume that it was neither a quisinart nor the IRS.

Which is kind of sad because I'd LOVE to see a horror movie involving quisinarts or the IRS. I think it'd be a real step up from SOME of the tripe we get on the video store shelves these days.

But then a new character steps in who may well interest the IRS...a fellow named Wilson Friels is prepared to fund a college professor's expedition to go hunting after Indians, which by now should have every single hackle in the audience raised high enough to hang a flag from. Anyone who hasn't figured out that there's a link between the jungle we just saw and our boy Wilson should now eject their DVD, use it as a coaster, and re-enroll in the third grade.

But our professor hasn't quite caught on yet, and packs up his partner and a handful of coeds to ship off to the jungle to go hunting for an elusive Indian tribe called the Calusa, which are, apparently, on a deserted island in the middle of a swamp accessible only by airboat. This means they're going to have a serious problem when people start dying and they can't get off the island. This is the kind of thing Gilligan had nightmares about.

Our intrepid pack of dead meat-to-be sets up camp on the deserted island with the last Calusa settlement on it, and by the fire, we learn that the secret of the Calusa involves the secret of life and death, along with "evil creatures" that guard it.

With the scene set up with all the subtlety of dynamite in a china shop, we hear rumblings in the jungle or forest or wherever we are, this by whatever is watching the camp.

A little while later, our party comes across what's left of a dismembered corpse, and this gets most everyone into a panic. Seems they've figured out what we ALL did twenty minutes ago--when there's only one way off the island that won't be back for several days, you're STUCK THERE! With whatever thing that has a taste for pre-processed Soylent Green!

Better yet, the party has managed to find the entrance to the place where the whole "secret of life and death" thing was kept.

One of our coeds gets naked just in time to get messily killed and dragged off somewhere by the island's resident monsters. Boy, isn't it terribly convenient that she didn't get killed until AFTER she started bathing in the creek? What would this movie be without the distraction of naked women? Pretty much the same thing it is WITH the distraction of naked women - total, utter crap!

Then, the movie decides it'd be fun to rip off Congo for a few minutes and set up a 'perimeter defense system' against the horde of unknown human-hungry what's-its out in the trees. Casualties begin to mount and Wilson breaks out the guns to augment the perimeter system.

Finally, the movie launches into an ending that is truly incoherent.

The movie comes with subtitles and audio options, along with a still photo gallery and trailers for this movie and others, such as Bloody Murder 2, The Pool, Down Time, and Legion of the Dead.

So all in all, Deadly Species is only deadly dull and should be avoided unless you're truly desperate for a horror movie.

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