What's in a Name?

Not one to usually drone on about my personal problems and label it journalism, this is one problem that affects a large amount of us at sometime in our lives. Having been with my boyfriend for five years this month, the idea that I may be with him for life seems to be becoming ever more evident.

I don't mind this: being an independent, know-my-own-mind, even (gasp! heaven forbid!) a feminist kind of gal, I still believe in marriage and all that goes with it. Of course, as any self-respecting female knows, the word obey will have to be omitted from the ceremony and replaced with something more 21st century, and likewise husband and wife will substitute man and wife. We will both wear wedding rings.

With English laws now stating you can get married virtually anywhere, the church will probably not be involved either as neither of us is religious (please note, boyfriend, in how much detail I have planned this already). However, though Im a modern girl I still like to believe in this traditional ceremony. Even without the religion, it is a great way to show each other, and our family and friends, that were willing and happy to commit to each other for life.

One thing troubles me though, and I can't seem to come to any satisfactory conclusion. Its the name thing. I want to keep my own surname. I have a crap, boring, common-as-muck name, but I like it. It is my family name and I also (against all odds) like my family. Plus, if I take my boyfriends name, Ill be hence known as Gemma Jennings. Try saying that on a rowdy hen night. Anyway, why should it be that us girls that have to take their surname? I could, theoretically, force my surname onto him, but then thats just hypocritical. Plus, it would guarantee his family and friends would gossip about me for years afterwards: secretly berating me as one of those pretentious hairy feminists and chortling that he is most certainly under the thumb. Whats a girl to do?

I know theres the double barrelled possibly which is becoming increasingly popular, but this is just a short-term solution, surely? If I have children and they want to do the same thing it will lead to a triple-barrelled name, e.g., Coleman-Jennings-Smith and if they marry another doubled-barrelled person, it will even be a quadruple-barrelled name? E.g. Coleman-Jennings-Smith-Jones. Ridiculous. Then if they have children It would go on and on until we all ended up with surnames as long as a dictionary. Perhaps wed shorten the surnames to merely initials and then wed sound like Daleks or Star Trek extras: E.g., Gemma CJSJ. Exterminate.

I have often thought perhaps a merging of the two surnames would be a better solution and would actually be good in reflecting the two lives merging into one partnership. For example, if Jane Smith married John Jones, their surnames would become either Smones or Jithor something not-as-crap sounding. At least you would have a choice about what name to choose. You could then courteously annihilate some dodgy passed-down family name such as Bent or Focker (remember Meet the Parents?) Of course, you would get to choose which merged name to take and happily forget about certain iffy ones. For example, if a Mr. Wayne married a Ms. Conker, Coyne would be the obvious preferred choice

Crap jokes aside, I think I worry too much. Perhaps youre even wondering why Im bothering to fret: I sound like a rambling, cat-owing maniac, whom no one would be as stupid to choose to actually marry.

Maybe what surname you have doesn't really matter these days. As long as the marriage is an equal partnership, what does it matter what moniker you have? is it really worth the hassle just for the principle of...a word? Which is all that it is really. As someone more literary than me once said: 'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." So if I become Jennings, Coleman-Jennings, Jenman, Collins (see, those mergers aren't all that bad!), or even if I stay plain old Coleman until the day I do change into that smelly old cat-lady, as least I'll know I'll always pong this good.

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