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Unexplained science: Chocolate cures, kills and annoys

 article about chocolate research
2010-04-27 04:19:55
A recent research in Archives of Internal Medicine reveals that chocolate, if eaten regularly, can can cause depression. Previously chocolate has been related to lifting mood, but according to the study, the effects are quite the opposite.

And then I thought to myself - just yesterday, while enjoying my fifth beer, I heard someone talking about a study that claimed people who eat chocolate are better in bed (or that chocolate just arouses sexual feelings). So, if I understand it correctly, then first it ruins your mood and then you're in so farking bad mood that you just want to have great sex. Hmm. Now that got me thinking. If chocolate can do all that, according to studies, what else can it do? What else have the crews of chocolate research academies around the world have found out?

Let the truth be revealed (in today's episode of Unexplained Science)!

  • Chocolate protects against heart diseases.
  • Chocolate protects against cancer.
  • High amounts of chocolate decreases woman's fertility.
  • Eating chocolate does not trigger migraine headaches. Well, research doesn't necessarily need to show what it does, but it can also show what it doesn't do.
  • Chocolate can be a trigger for migraines.
  • Chocolate has a calming effect.
  • Eating chocolate can lengthen your life. Now there's a cure for death!
  • Chocolates contributes to lower bone density.
  • Chocolate is a "natural" pain-reliever.
  • Eating chocolate may lead to heart disease.
  • Chocolate reduces stress (thanks to the sugar in it).
  • Chocolate can be a trigger for cyclic vomiting.
  • Chocolate can be a cause skin rash (hives).
  • Chocolate can cause mild lead poisoning.
  • ...and thus chocolate can kill animals, especially parrots and dogs.
  • Chocolate is an aphrodisiac.
  • Consuming chocolate milk after exercise offers better muscle recovery than high-carbohydrate recovery beverage.
  • Chocolate causes obesity.
  • Eating chocolate can give someone acne or other type of skin eruptions.
  • Chocolate causes high cholesterol.
  • Chocolate's use in horse racing is prohibited due to the presence of theobromine.
  • Eating dark chocolate helps blood vessels function more effectively.
  • Chocolate consumption offers a protective effect on the cardiovascular system
  • Chocolate is good for high blood pressure
  • Eating chocolate increases the ability to think and remember.
  • Chocolate can cause blood pressure to rise.
  • Chocolate contains chemicals related to amphetamines which result in alertness and contentment.
  • If you suffer from Anal Itching or Anxiety (or something like 100 more diseases), chocolate can be bad for your health.
  • Dark chocolate improves the ability of smokers' blood vessels to expand and contract in response to the body's needs
  • Chocolate simply makes you fat

As always, as every such research usually reveals, there's more research required to determine the exact relationship between chocolate and its effects. So, where do we start?

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