Eye on Ignorance, Pt. 1

Let's face it, no matter how sensitive we think we all are these days with our PC language and diversity training and such, we all love to read about stupidity and ignorance. Why do you think the Darwin Awards are so wildly popular? Oh, we hide behind our supposed morals, but what we secretly yearn for is the odd story about the lady who died while simultaneously puffing on a cigarette in an oxygen tank.

 

Not to worry. You won't be discovered at work secretly searching for stories about these unfortunate souls – that's my job. Every month, I'll give you a few true tales about the fools of the world – it's the Eye on Ignorance! It's what I do for a living, thank you, so you'll only read the best – or worst – the human race has to offer. So here we go! (And just so you know, I'm about as politically incorrect as they come. Example: A person's not "mobility-challenged," he's crippled, okay?? And I can say that with no shame because I'm a cripple myself.)

 

Watch for Falling Rocks

Police recently questioned Kenny Narron, a 44-year-old house painter in Hollis, NH, after a 1.2-carat diamond ring was discovered missing in the home Narron was re-painting.

 

Authorities said that the homeowner discovered the $7,000 ring was missing from its hiding place under a bedroom mattress, so the police detained Narron, who had been working inside the home.

 

During a break in the questioning, Narron was left alone in the interrogation room, which had a security camera in plain view.

 

Police said that they watched on the camera monitor as Narron swallowed the ring and tore up the accompanying paperwork verifying the ring's authenticity, throwing it in a wastebasket.

 

Narron was rushed to the hospital, where he underwent emergency surgery to remove the ring, which was lodged in his windpipe.

 

Killer Ants

A Chinese man has been sentenced to death for his role in scamming people out of 3 billion yuan ($387 million) after they invested in his phony ant breeding business.

 

According to the Beijing News, Wang Zhendong of Liaoning province advertised the business as a breeder of black ants, which are used in China to make tea, liquor and arthritis cream.

 

Over 10,000 people signed contracts with the bogus company before an investigation was launched in 2005. Less than 1% of the money was recovered, prompting one investor to commit suicide, the newspaper reported.

 

During his trial, Wang claimed simple ignorance, saying he didn't know anything about raising ants and was "unclear about the costs," it added.

 

Boob Job

A young couple in Finland was recently charged with collecting 25,500 Euros ($32,000) from a 74-year old man for letting him fondle the woman's breasts.

 

The man, who suffers from dementia, enjoyed the lady's bosom on 10 separate occasions, according to Reuters reports, but was "a willing participant."

 

"Based on general life experience alone, it is indisputably clear that a 25,500 Euro charge is disproportionate to the compensation in question," said Judge Hasse Hakki, who heard the case.

 

However, the news agency reported, the court declined to settle the matter of "the proper financial value of the compensation."