In the
Land of the Blind the One-Eyed Man is King
President’s day came and went without much
fanfare this year. I didn’t even know it was President’s Day until I got home.
I was getting ready to walk in the door when I saw my new neighbor, Jim, watering
his lawn and it was the neighborly thing to do to go up and talk to him.
“How’s it going today Jim” I asked.
“Oh, man, it’s been a rotten day. The mail didn’t run
today. Those lazy conniving pekersnots look for any reason to take a day off
from work. Back when I was in the Marines we never got a day off! Never! We
were expected to do our job, by god! That’s what’s wrong with the country
nowadays, people are looking for the easy way out” Jim wailed.
“Right on” I agreed as I retreated into my house. I was in
no mood to deal with another one of Jim’s “how things used to be” sermons. To
say the day had been rotten would be a gross understatement. Most of the day
had been spent listen to co-workers bitch about their feminine cycles and their
wretched home lives. I tried to escape this maddening babble by going to the
gym and beating the mortal hell out of a heavy bag.
Right in the middle of my boxing
workout I was distracted by the continuous music video channel on the wall.
There was a dew rag wearing hooligan on there mumbling some sort of gibberish
that the kiddies refer to as rap. The thug was singing (if you can call it
that) about his “grillz”. After closer inspection he wasn’t just singing about
his grillz, he was imploring women to rob a jewelry store and make him some
“grillz”. What exactly are “grillz” anyway? The trainer Ali told me that
“grillz” are basically a set of false teeth made out of either platinum or gold.
“Sweet Jesus Palomino is this what
music has come to?” I squealed. Brothers on the screen singing love ballads
about false teeth? I never thought I’d say it, but I’d settle for a new Depeche
Mode tune, or even Richard Marx over this anyday.
My nerves were shot as I escaped
into my new home so I turned on the TV to try to escape. I must have been
hallucinating because there on the tube was Republican Bill Frist dragging
Dubya across the coals. Frist was screaming bloody murder, and rightfully so,
because Dubya is pushing a deal to sell control of 6 seaports in the U.S.
to a company from the United
Arab Emirates.
The same United
Arab Emirates that are a Michael
Vick pass away from Iran”
I yelled in disbelief. It was a shock that was almost too much for my heart to
withstand. The damn fool wants us to believe that United Arab
Emirates citizens
are a whole lot different from Iranians? They are about as different from each
other as South Dakota
and North
Dakota.
In a fit of anxiety I packed 2
suitcases and was ready to bolt out the door for Amsterdam.
But lo and behold I was stopped by another hair-raising story. This one was
about how some Amsterdam
officials want to put an end to legalized prostitution. First prostitution,
then the hashish will follow. No point going that route I thought, might as
well just stay here and go down with the ship.
So I settled in and ate an entire
bag of Famous Amos cookies when I figured out why President’s Day wasn’t
celebrated with any pomp and circumstance. Those who have been elected
president over the years have disgraced the position so badly that people
openly mock and ridicule the leader of the free world. Rightly so I might add.
Just take a look at all of the
carnage that Dubya has inflicted on this once proud nation. During his reign he
allowed us to be hoodwinked by Al-Qaeda, stole 2 elections in broad daylight,
instituted “Big Brother” spying tactics, took everyone’s freedom away with the
Patriot Act, gratuitously endorsed “outsourcing” jobs to other countries for
the benefit of big business, viciously attempted to destroy Medicare and Social
Security, cut funding for almost every educational program, and lost 2 wars.
Wow, most people would have enough shame to hunker down in the White House and
finish out their term without anymore hoopla, but Dub II is now selling us out
to the enemy.
However Dub II is not the only
president to be a total disappointment. Bill Clinton was the last Democrat that
we will ever see in the White House, but he wasn’t any great savior either. Clinton
should go down in history as the first black Republican president. That’s why
it’s such a surprise that he let the Hutu’s slaughter approximately 800,000
Tutsi’s in Rwanda.
The U.N. would have brought down a blitz of retaliation on the Hutu’s if Clinton
would have declared their actions genocide. However Clinton
thwarted any intervention by saying that the atrocities were “acts” of
genocide. The word “acts” being included in Clinton’s
statement allowed thousands and thousands of Tutsi’s to meet a most unpleasant
death, probably at the hand of a crude machete.
Clinton also pushed through the
controversial NAFTA legislation like he would a load on Monica Lewinski’s
dress. Bye bye blue collar middle class jobs, hello McDonalds. American
companies smiled enough to rip their faces at the prospects of sending Union
jobs down to Mexico
for $3.00 an hour. Not to worry my good man we can retrain you, just head to
your nearest community college for some top-notch instruction in the field of
your choice.
I’ll skip over Bush Uno in the
interest of time. Besides, all he is remembered for is taking a loss in the
first Iraq
war and bullying his child-like vice president to misspell potato on national
television to divert attention from a sagging economy. The Smiling Monster,
Ronald Reagan, came before Bush I and he set the wheels of demise in motion.
Reaganomics should be included with all of the taboo words not to be uttered in
public. The worst offenders being the much ballyhooed “trickle-down” economics
he sold everyone on. The basic principle of Tickle-down economics supports
giving businesses every possible break and loophole imaginable and their
success will “trickle down” to the rest of us. What utter bullshit that is. The
more you get the more you want. But it’s not just big business that’s guilty of
this, we all are. If you are riding around with 100 extra dollars in your
wallet and you see a homeless person are you going to give him $10 just because
you have extra? No; you’re going to run to the porn store and buy something
that leaves you with a warm and fuzzy feeling. On a personal level he made the
word Union
as rare as the word chilgoza (which is an edible pine seed for those of you
keeping score). My dad was a proud member of the UMWA and without their help I
would probably be digging ditches in Panther, West Virginia.
But Unions are bad for business because for some silly reason they believe
workers should not be treated like potted meat. Whenever a Union
went on strike, Reagan put the screws on them to come back. Eventually this
would be a perfect segue into the cutbacks that would plague the 80’s and 90’s.
But to be fair he was better than what we have now. Even “honest” (honest being
a relative term) Abe Lincoln wasn’t the great Messiah he was cracked up to be,
he’s just lucky that 24 hour a day news channels weren’t around in his time.
Uncle Abe gets a lot of credit for going to war in order to eradicate the
institution of slavery. However, like most politicians, he just used that whole
slavery business as a reason to keep the South from ceding. You can’t afford to
give up that kind of tax base, no sir. If Lincoln
was so damn worried about the welfare of black people why didn’t he have a plan
for them once they gained their freedom? It’s like giving a 13 year old boy the
keys to a Lamborghini and telling him he is qualified to drive. Unfortunately
black people had never known freedom up until that point and they didn’t know
what to do with it? The aftereffects from this lack of planning are still felt
today. I wonder if Lincoln
envisioned ancestors of slaves singing about “grillz”. Somewhere in the depths
of Hell, Jefferson Davis is laughing about Lincoln
being put on the brown coin.
The saddest thing about all of
this is not the ineptitude of the chosen Presidents. No, the really sad thing
is that millions and millions of people have elected every one of these
shysters. Many times more than once! It’s a shame that the American public is
so stupid that they will fall for every promise that every politician will make
during the course of an election. Hell, John Kerry was for every program anyone
asked him about. Keep the faith people, help is on the way. Help is on the way…
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