About a week ago I talked to my good friend, who, let’s be
honest, is always high of drugs and alcohol. However, sometimes he does
have really great ideas, partly because of the visions he’s having
during his mental & physical black-outs. So far he’s been to alcohol rehab twice as much as I have, but he still has some problems with it. His blood alcohol level is usually as high as mine, but lasts three times as long.
Sorry, it looks like I got off the track, just a bit I mean, Harry’s
problems aren’t important here, but rather his genius, his master mind.
A week ago he called me to ask if I could help him sell his business. A
business that he has been working with for the past two years. Guess
what I’m talking about? Yep, you’re right, you’re so undoubtedly right
– it’s his beer belly business.
The general idea Have you ever
watched this kind of stupid TV shop channels? I would like to think you
haven’t, but there’s unfortunately a 99% possibility that you haven’t
been that lucky. Third of the products advertised there have something
to do with losing weight, different not-creepy-at-all diets and gas
engines that can be wrapped around your body to make your whole body
vibrate. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes get horny thanks to
this kind of Einstein-creations, especially when I’m using them myself.
But that doesn’t matter either right now, my mind seems to go wandering
every once in a while, so please, bare with me. At least the next
couple of minutes, agreed?
Two years ago Harry was sick of
those ugly men & women in the commercials as much as I was. And
lets be honest, their BEFORE and AFTER pictures aren’t usually too
authentic – digital improvements, plastic, make-up. Whatever they are
using, please, don’t take it seriously. The last such ad I saw (no
vibration here) said that you can lose weight without any exercise,
without any vibrations, without any creepy machines at all (yes, you
heard me right) and the best part of it – you can eat WHATEVER you want
and even the amount doesn’t play any role here. Well, sounds like
perfect? Why didn’t I think of it myself? No exercise, no machines,
lots of fat food and I still lose weight. Perfect, what more can I say.
Well,
I hope you could see some irony between the lines. If not, shoot
yourself (disclaimer: this was a joke, bad one, I should shoot myself,
in the leg). The idea is that – guys, we all like our belly’s, right?
My beautiful beer belly is my purpose of life. If I’d ever lose it, I’d
be a dead man. Right? Well, at least Harry thought so. I nodded. So he
decided to start a company that would produce a totally different kind
of service – beer belly service. The idea is to feed the men, give them
enough to drink and then shape their belly’s the best way possible. You
all like the look of pregnant women, right? They usually look very
sweet and that’s what he wanted all men to look like – sweet.
How did he do it? Well, he fed them with McDonalds fat food, Corona
beer, Bud Light (and not so light), miller beer, guinness beer…phrr, do
I need to go on? No, I won’t. You get the point, I hope. I don’t, the
main point, I mean, but that’s ok. He got my point and that was
perfect. Confusing, eh?
He had lots of customers, 200 during
the two years in business, but this amount of belly-men didn’t require
any advertising at all from his side. Word of mouth worked just great.
And all of his customers were rich frequenters bringing him each $200
000 bucks each & every year. Nice, eh?
Good business, isn’t it? Now Harry is tired of it and he’s willing to sell it for good money.
So…well…I hope you didn’t take a word of this little piece of crap
seriously. I hope you can take a bad joke, or actually a totally
nonsense, pointless non-joke. It’s Harry. What would this business be
worth to you?
If it actually existed I mean and if it was for sale (what a creepy sign it would be -
Beer belly business for sale!)
. Post your comments, coprolalia allowed, we’ve got freedom of speech, after all. Cheers!
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