Hallo there. Welcome to J-Squared. Today we are going to do some hopscotch. Ready? OK!
1-
So the autopsy on Terri Schiavo has been performed and it appears that
she had no chance of making it. Gee doc, tell us something we didn’t
already know. I guess many people who were protesting in front of the
hospital, and some of the dickhead politicians out there who said, “she
had a chance” will now realize that they wasted a week in their lives
that they will never get back.
2 - Apparently, Jessica Simpson’s
“good girl” image went down the toilet with her latest video. “These
Boots..” shows her in a bikini and now every 12-year-old boy’s walls
are guaranteed to be white, so parents - no need to paint. Any hoot, I
wonder what father Joe Simpson thinks. Is he ejaculating like them 12
year-olds? After all, it was him in an interview with GQ that said, “my
daughter has double Ds and those suckers keep popping out.” Well said,
Dad. Well said.
3 - The Patriot Act finally may strike the
clause that allows government to check bookstore and library records of
anyone walking the face of the United States, but George W Bush says he
will veto any kind of legislation that will alter the controversial
bill. It is a shame that we can’t veto the president. I mean here is a
man who talks about morality, and we are letting a child molester go
free on ten counts. More on that one later. Can we say we are a society
based on morals and values when shit like that happens?
4/5 -
R. Kelly has really lost his mind. His new music is really creepy and
weird. Have you heard the new song when he talks about the guy coming
to the closet?
6 - Carl Everett from the White Sox obviously has
many issues. He hates Wrigley Field, which is acceptable; hates gay
people, which is questionable; and hates fans, which puts him in the
receptacle. He claims in Maxim that “fan is short for fanatic and it is
proven that 99% of the fans don’t even know what they are watching.”
Hey Carl, who do you think pays for the tickets during those games you
play? Even if they don’t know what they are watching, you are getting
rich off these people. So why don’t you have a Coke and smile and shut
up!
7/8 - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are knocking boots. Oh
boy. The media is going to have a field day with this one. First off,
Tom Cruise needs to be killed by one of the aliens in “War of the
Worlds”, while Katie Holmes needed to be dealt with by a swarm of bats.
(There is my cheesy ass summer blockbuster joke for this journal.)
Katie Holmes was with Chris Klein for a long-ass time. She claims to be
a virgin, but those two never kicked it. Come on now. She was a life
long catholic, but now she is going to be a scientologist. What did Tom
say to her? “If you are not down with scientology, then screw you. I
mean really screw you!” Well, I guess that is what Katie did, right
Tom? You are old enough to be her father, Jesus!
9 - WJMK
otherwise known in Chicago as “Oldies 104.3” but changed the name 3
times because they didn’t know who they wanted to market to has become
Jack 104.3 FM. What I want to know is, who the hell is Jack? Is he the
guy talking between songs and spots? Is he the evil overlord who threw
Dick Biondi to the dumpster?
10 - And finally, good ol’
Michael Jackson. Only in America can a man like Jackson, who supposedly
is an icon, moonwalk away from ten charges that have damning evidence
against him. So what if the accuser’s mother was a scam artist?
The
point is that many of Jackson’s employee’s saw this freak show give
kids alcoholic beverages. He has been accused of this before and he
thinks there is nothing wrong with sleeping with children in the same
bed. The fact that the jury was too star struck to see past Jackson the
celebrity makes me want to puke.
I can’t believe the idiots
who flew to America from around the world to sit in front of the
courthouse to cheer this guy on were cheering the verdict. I ask them,
as well as the jury, the next time Michael Jackson has his famous
slumber parties there, will you find a way to get your kids to go
there?
I mean after all, you all worship the man like he was
God, so I can totally not see him fondle your children, or take showers
with them, or the other sick crap that was said during the trial. May
God have mercy on all your souls if he is reported molesting another
child.
And because of you guys, you just opened the door for others walk away as well.
And that will do it. Season premiere, two and a half weeks and counting. Bye bye.
Laters,
MJ
Tags:
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