Spoof interview with the leader of the BNP

Earlier this month two leading figures of political party the BNP (British National Party) were granted bail after appearing in court on racial hatred charges. The right-wing party, led by Nick Griffin, are little more than a bit player in terms of the election, as their intolerance and divisive tactics have thankfully been rejected by the majority of British people. However despite an undercover BBC documentary that showed members of the party bragging of attacks on Asians and spewing racist vitriol, Mr Griffin claims the party has been unfairly represented. With the election in May looming, I spoke to Mr Griffin about his alleged racism, the reputation of his party and his hopes for the future.*

JA: Now, we’ve all seen the documentary: what would you say to people who accuse you and your party of being racist?

Griffin: (laughs) Well they’d be right, I am a racist…

JA: Can you expand on that Mr Griffin? Some would say that damages the credibility of you as a person, and your party, even further.

Griffin: Well that’s patently ridiculous. When I say I’m a racist, I simply mean it in the sense of someone who participates in races. Just as one who styles is a stylist, one who races is a racist. And what’s wrong with that? Yet again the thought police are trying to gag me from eulogising about a passion of mine.

JA: But surely most people associate the word racism and racist with hate, ignorance and prejudice? The demonization of…

Griffin: That’s because they’ve been brainwashed by the liberal elite. The word still stands in its own right. Run a race- you’re a racist. Just won a gold medal in the 100 metre sprint? You’re a fantastic racist. Set a record and you deserve all the plaudits you get for taking racism to a whole new level.

JA: And this should apply to all sports? I must say I doubt many people at all have even heard of the word racism being used in this context…

Griffin: It should be in all sports that include racing yes. Long distance racists, Formula One racists, Horse racists…

JA: Horse racists? It sounds like people who are racist against horses, or in fact horses that are racist. Surely a horse lacks the capacity for prejudice…actually having said that…

Griffin: Its people who race horses! It’s a simple concept. The meaning of words change. Remember how gay used to mean happy? I’m reclaiming the word racist: can’t be negatively used against me then! The word with my context was in common use back when the empire still stood… Obviously I’ve no actual evidence for this but that’s probably because the government in this country like to hush things up. Just look at the way they tried to gag me. It’s all to keep us from the truth…

JA: And what truth is that?

Griffin: The people I speak to up and down the country, in little towns just like this one; they know what’s going on…

JA: I see, and do you have a message for these people?

Griffin: We aren’t just a one-note party anymore, we’re coming up with actual policies and we are going to win seats. The people of this country have been let down by this government. Picking something entirely at random: we now have the biggest problem with obesity this country has ever had. It’s not only a massive problem for those afflicted by it, but also for our NHS, which is already under massive strain due to the invasion of people into a place that is already overcrowded. We plan to introduce a substantial programme of sport and fitness- racism in particular- into our schools. If you want the best future for your kids then back the BNP; we guarantee to raise a whole new generation of young racists!

JA: Right. So you propose a sort of a keep-fit regime for children? Will you be actively taking part in this yourself? Surely that would set a good example as racism is so central to your political vision…

Griffin: (laughs) God no, I never run anymore, races or otherwise. Neither do our members.

JA: Why’s that?

Griffin: Well there’s too many minorities doing it nowadays aren’t there?

JA: Mr Griffin, Thank you.

Griffin: Thanks.

* DISCLAIMER: Interview may not have actually taken place

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