WASHINGTON, March 21 – Harry Twohooter was found in Dexter’s
Laboratory dead naked. His hair had been tweezed out one by one. Police
thinks it’s a job of a hair collector. “Considering the amount of hair
Harry had and the way all his red curls had been taken out of his head,
we have a reason to believe it wasn’t his mad wife,” said the inspector
in charge of the investigation. You may remember Harry Twohooter from our story about the former couple
Bush and Kerry.
Independent of the investigation results of the Washington police
department, our magazine’s investigation team has found proof that his
murderer isn’t a simple hair collector, but rather it was a team of
one-legged prostitutes who killed him for a simple revenge.
About two months ago Harry offered us a story about a bordello in the
eastern part of Washington. We didn’t want the story because of our
owner’s good relationships with the kinky sluthouse (Roberto is a
regular customer in there). However, the story itself was good, so in
hopes that the owner of this magazine understands my reason for talking
about it, I’d like to enlighten you a bit about the contents of his
piece which he eventually managed to publish in The Sun.
Now that's freaky
Harry has done some really good job with fake-news and such. However,
in this story he used the real material and mixed it with made-up
stuff. And that’s what we feel was fatal to him. He had found a
bordello which was used frequently by the players of his top article.
Bush and Kerry to be exact.
He disguised himself as an
elderly naked woman and wanted to find a job in there. However, once he
arrived in the elite house, it was a nightmare from the beginning. As
it turned out normal elderly girls weren’t welcome in there. It was the
house for simply-said freaks. Shemales with 1 leg. That was their
uniqueness and that’s what was used to attract famous people. Bush,
Kerry are good examples. They all had had freaky wishes already for a
long time and not until 6 months ago they found “their own” place to
satisfy their needs. I must say that I really do must hail the founders
of this great business venture as this was really a new find.
Pimp from Microsoft
The director, pimp of this house, had had the idea to create something
like this already for a long time, while he was working with Microsoft.
However, at that time he didn’t think it would be worthwhile. After
being laid off due to licking a lollipop all the time he decided it was
time to give it a try. That was a bit more than 6 months ago. He put up
a note to the homeless shelter and offered good money for a modelling
position. The position had only two requirements – the ideal candidate
would be shemale and have only one leg. In case of candidates who
didn’t fill the requirement need he was ready to offer a helping hand.
He was sent tons of applications and after he had approved 10 of them
he was ready to go.
Railroad and a heavy train
Now he only had to hire Nip/Tuck for 3 of them who weren’t really
shemales but rather just plain homos. And all of them still had 2 legs.
But for a good job we are all ready to make couple of modifications to
fill the position. I know I would. However, the pimp didn’t have the
money for all the needed operations, so for getting rid of the 1 leg he
used a railroad and one really heavy train. And loads of painkillers
were helpful as well.
Soon he was ready to pimp the gals and
his business got popular very fast. He took payments via credit cards
and everyone were happy. Even the one-legged prostitutes.
[BB]
So as you can see, Harry’s disguise as a elderly healthy woman didn’t
really work well, so he didn’t get a job. His journalistic experiment
was dead right from the start. He wasn’t ready to get rid of his leg,
he really wasn’t. So there wasn’t much to do for him than to make up
the story totally.
TV-Shop approach - BEFORE & AFTER
However, when doing it he used some not very common tricks. He decided
to use the TV-shop approach and use the BEFORE and AFTER technique. For
starters he managed to get an interview with couple of the prostitutes.
He talked to them for hours, about their life, about their opinion on
their president, about moon and stars.
And he also asked each
of them – what would you do if your workplace was burned down? Two of
his interviwees didn’t answer anything. The third one said that she
would be out of job then, and would start looking for another one.
Fatal mistake
Now he was ready for the AFTER part. One day, 2pm (when there was noone
in the building, after all, it was christmas) he put the sluthouse on
fire. Next day there was nothing left. The pimp had been busted for
forgery and the one-legged prostitutes were all out of job. Tough luck.
Noone knew who had burned down the building. The prostitutes
started looking for a new job, but noone wanted them. One-legged
shemales – tough luck I must say. Noone wanted them, except for one
other bordello ran by the pimp’s ex-co-worker. However, in addition to
the other requirements (which they had filled already) they needed to
have red curly hair. That’s something they didn’t have and they had no
idea where to get it.
One day at the bus stop they noticed
Harry. He was talking to the editor of New York Times. Laughing about
something. One louder than the other. They talked about their former
house and CherryCola, one of the prostitutes heard them. Poor Harry.
I mentioned earlier that Harry had red curly hair. I also mentioned
that this was exactly what the prostitutes needed. And I think you can
assume yourself how pissed they were at Harry.
A few months
later Harry was found dead without his hair. Who’s to blame? I’m pretty
sure it wasn’t the hair collector like the police thinks.
PS:
For those who were already celebrating – we have just found out that
Harry actually isn’t dead. It was kind of a set-up. He wanted to make a
good story and so he did. He had framed his own murder to get to the
front page.
PPS: And to tell you the truth, the murder itself was framed as well. Noone was injured during the development of this article.
PPPS: Noone got paid for this article either.
PPPPS: And noone ever will.
Tags:
News Business work money pimp bordello 
