Hey peoples, what’s a crack a lacking?
So last week we talked about the Oscars beforehand, and now let’s talk about them afterward.
First,
let’s go directly for Chris Rock. He was funny, but could have been a
little more edgy, but as he put it “I was working for someone that day.
If you want to see me cross the line, go to the Chris Rock show.” True,
which pretty much proved my point from last week. Chris Rock is a
responsible adult who knows when to fuck around and when not to, and
much to the chagrin of all those conservatives, behaved himself. I
would like to say does everyone in the world want to see Sean Penn play
in traffic as much as I would? Does this monkeyfuck have a sense of
humor? “Duh I would like to remind our host who Jude Law is. He is a
fine actor.” Yes, unlike you, you tight ass prick. Penn was referring
to the comment that Rock made when he said “Jude Law is in all these
movies” after saying if you want Tom Cruise, but you can only get Jude
Law; wait to make your movie. Isn’t it bad enough we gave the prick
(Penn) an Oscar? This guy bitched and moaned that Matt Stone and Trey
Parker were unfairly bashing on him in “Team America: World Police.”
Fuck him. You should be happy that no one grabs you by your throat and
drops you off the roof of the Kodak Theatre headfirst. He is such a
crying little prick.
In other news, the guy who won the award
for the Motorcycle Diaries did his whole acceptance speech in Spanish.
Look fucker, you are in America, speak English on TV. For all we know,
he could have said, “you stupid ass people watching this show most
likely just jerked yourselves off and ate it.” I believe everyone has a
right to speak his or her native tongue, but when you are on an
American show, you should speak a language everyone understands. Yes I
know, it broadcast all over the world. Do you think France, Germany, or
Russia understood what he said? Yeah that was out of line sir.
Beyonce
kept popping up, and unfortunately for many males, did not pop out. She
was wearing really bad eye makeup too. Could the academy not pick gayer
songs? From The Phantom of the Opera, they took some stupid song no one
has heard. Music of the Night is the best song on that soundtrack. That
would have been cool. Three words for Antonio Banderas, take a shower.
He looked really scummy for an award show. Beyonce was singing in
French too. Like wow, that was so cultural. Please spare us from any
other bullshit antics during an award show again. Oh wait, I am talking
about the Oscars here. After all, one of the nominees fell asleep
during one of the short film awards.
Renee Zellwegger looked
like what the Bride of Frankenstein would look like if it were a modern
version and if she was a mermaid. God, she looked bad. She also sounded
really goofy like she was on something. Maybe it’s Trimspa! Thank God
that stupid bitch Anna Nicole Smith wasn’t on. That would have been
tragic. Then again, maybe bringing the stupid drunk fat gold digging
bitch would have added some flavor to a dull show.
Then there
was the robbery. The stupid ass Million Dollar Baby dominating the
show. First off, I was rooting for the Aviator. I liked the movie and
Scorsese directed it. The man gets snubbed every year and he has made
timeless classics like Goodfellas, Casino, Gangs of New York, Taxi
Driver, the list goes on and on. What has Clint Eastwood done except
point a gun at someone and say “go ahead, make my day.”
Yes
Eastwood is talented, yes he does good work, but by God give Marty the
award. He has been doing this a lot longer and Aviator was better than
baby. Morgan Freeman only won that award for sympathy. How many more
movies can Freeman narrate when he is the supporting character who is
the voice of reason? He plays the same fucking character in every
movie. I feel like Freeman is on a time machine and just keeps getting
dropped off in some certain time where he has to explain to everyone
watching what is happening. And then there is Hillary Skank, whoops I
mean Swank. She laid in bed half the movie. Oh yeah, that’s talent.
Usually that is reserved for porn stars. Shall we give Jenna Jameson an
Oscar now?
I admire Swank’s story of woe and rags to riches,
but that does not mean she should win an award that Annette Benning
should have won. Benning lost to Swank before and that one was
legitimate. Although I love American Beauty, Swank did well in Boys
Don’t Cry, but in this movie it wasn’t hard for her to act because the
character is very close to her. She plays a hick in almost every movie
she was in. What’s so hard about playing the same character you play in
almost every movie? The Million Dollar Baby should be renamed to “Ten
Cent Skank.”
Jamie Foxx winning was cool and same with Cate
Blanchet. Aviator should have won best picture though. Then again, it
is only an awards show where everyone wears nice clothes just so they
can get drunk and rip them off later. The Oscars are stupid. Who gives
a fuck now? They are all done. Tune in next year to watch Michael Jae
win an Oscar called The Silence of the Stars.
Your good friend,
MJ
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