Blood Reaper: Another Bad Idea

Blood Reaper

DVD

*

Directed by

Lory-Michael Ringuette

Written by

Douglas Hensley

Lory-Michael Ringuette

Cast

Charlene Amoia .... Kristi

Jerri Badenhop .... Katie

Peter Carlstrom .... Vadim

Michael Fuller .... The Reaper

August Hanks .... Jim

Bobby Mackey .... Randall Dewey

Bernard Mann .... Wesley

Cameron McHarg .... Tim

Alison Moon .... Leann

Emalie Ortega .... Molly

Lory-Michael Ringuette .... Park Ranger

Michelle Rudy .... Office lady

Terry Rudy .... Copy boy

Micki Schloss .... Mr. Baldwin

Mark Siegel .... Don

Brinke Stevens .... Sosha

J.W. Stewart .... Deputy Kolbeck

R

80 mins

Behold...the power of cheesy movies filmed on a camcorder with someone's allowance money and on the strength of a script so ridiculous that I wouldn't line a birdcage with it.

Truly, I dislike movies like these. You'd think that if you didn't have a very strong budget for things like special effects or cinematography or actual actors you'd just go hogwild on the script and get the very best one you could. But no, of course not. Blood Reaper is one more in a long string of poorly planned, poorly executed, and ultimately poorly realized movies that shouldn't even have been produced.

So anyway, what we have here is the story of five good friends who went on a camping trip. I know, I know...we're not five minutes in and already it sounds far too familiar for anyone's taste. Think about how I felt when I put it in my DVD player. But these five good friends make the serious strategic blunder of setting up camp on the grave of one of history's most horrifying serial killers, which doesn't make things any easier on them, as the serial killer comes back to life somehow (yes, I know I said "somehow"--it's that abrupt) and sets off to kill the five good friends who have the temerity to camp on an unmarked grave.

Better yet, they're there at just the right time. Amazingly, JUST the right time. We're talking about a time so incredibly right that it defies coincidence. The killings always start up on a full moon during a leap year. Of course, when are our good friends camping? On a night with a full moon. During a leap year.

Oh man....

It's just one more slasher flick. Seriously...that's all we've got here. One more brick in an endless wall of slasher flicks where the killer is almost invincible, and all but a handful of principle characters die before the end, possibly so that a sequel can be shot featuring the same incredibly pointless concept.

Indeed, one of my own personal rules comes back to bite us all in our collective hind ends: "If Brinke Stevens appears anywhere within the movie, you may consider her as a vulture, circling endlessly above it all and marking clearly the presence of cinematic carrion close at hand."

Check out the laughfest of a country music song around the twenty two minute mark. I can't believe this! It's a redeeming feature! This song is so damn funny that I can hardly think straight.

I hate to beat a dead horse--it gets nobody nowhere (the whipping AND the horse alike, ba DUM bum!)--but this is truly just one more slasher flick. The script is poorly written. The actors are stiff and wooden, barely performing their trite and cliche lines with anything resembling believability, and don't even ASK about the quality of the special effects. Seriously, don't ask - because there's no answer! There ARE no special effects.

The ending is a horribly executed mishmash of survival horror, escape attempts, last-ditch confrontations, several minutes of pointless screaming, flashbacks to events that happened only seconds prior, hopelessly ineffective combat maneuvers and killing.

GUESS who the last survivor is! In an incredible twist ending that actually gave me just a moment of respect for Blood Reaper, the last survivor is someone you wouldn't suspect in a million years.

The special features is nonexistent - not a subtitle, deleted scene, trailer or audio option to be had on the whole disk.

All in all, if you're into mindless, pointless slasher flicks for whatever the reason, be it mockery or sheer enjoyment of mindless bloodsport, then Blood Reaper is going to be exactly what you're looking for. For anyone else, just pass this one on by. Funny songs and surprise endings can't redeem this one from the cinematic slag heap.

Steve's columns are entirely self-supported.

Politics Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more fertile grounds, leaving with us just the memories of 8-color rainbows, singing Korean women and couple of nuclear weapons. But who was this man whose next ambition would have been to get the next Nobel Peace prize? Here are just a few facts you should know about. more Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination 26.Aug 2011 Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT 10.Mar 2011 ...read Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ! 10.Mar 2011 Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read Recipe for A REVOLUTION! (10 easy steps - try not to get burned!) 28.Feb 2011 Rebellion is cooking in the air. People are mad as hell, and not going to take...read THE ASSANGE CASE. CIA INTERFERED WITH SWEDISH LEGAL PROCESSES EXTREME RIGHT POLITICS A DANGER TO EUROPEAN UNITY THE AUSTRALIAN LABOR PARTY. OUT OF TOUCH, OUT OF FOCUS, OUT OF CREDIBILITY AND HOPEFULLY, OUT OF THE DOOR Opinion World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case) EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the governments of all the countries in the world as well as the operators actually in power in these countries with operating a criminal enterprise, the Galaxy warriors announced Today. more The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem 5.Mar 2011 So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read Top 7 Expensive Bordellos. Prostitution: Shakedown, Tier Down, and Priced Out 31.Jan 2011 According to a report of the Washington DC-based US Department of State, The Ph...read The Great Secret and Reason for the JFK Assassination 11.Oct 2010 The great question is why the great secret? On June 4 1963, President Kennedy s...read Don't Do it! The 3 Worst Times to Get Tattoos 4.Oct 2010 As a general rule, tattoos gotten after 2 am are a bad idea. But in a bigger pi...read

Travel Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN 13.Sep 2010 TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read more TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL. 5.Jun 2010 Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES 16.Apr 2010 Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA. 5.Apr 2010 Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read TRAVELWISE 2 APRIL 2010. QANTAS. 2.Apr 2010 Some concerns have been raised in relation to some of the maintenance practices...read Sport No Payoff From the Playoffs $16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire Stupid Athlete Tricks Technology Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show Top 9 cool laptop accessories for laptop geeks Twittering: I'm not that interesting Cheers Jesus' Answering Machine Brown Couch or twelve midgets in the town square How To Be Happy Drugged Out Saturday Nights Muslim Decapitation: Bad, or Simply Misunderstood?