My son wants to get married, so we are going window shopping for a wifeAfter lining her eyes with Kajal (inner eyeliner), she stood staring at
herself in the mirror. I knew what she was thinking. Once again, she
would have to go though it. She would have to go and sit with people
who would judge her for everything she says and does in those brief 10
minutes, and if she's lucky, this time it might go well. Not that this
process will end, but maybe she will finish this meeting without being
told her complexion is not fair enough to be worthy of marriage with
their son. My aunt came in and told her this would be a good
time to come. She pulled her Dupatta, a scarf, over her head. She
squeezed my hand and walked out. She was 27 and now the hopes of her
being selected as the bride was getting less and less likely. She had
been doing this for almost 10 years. As of today she is still unmarried
and no longer desires to get married. The concept of arranged marriage
in India is centuries old. The tradition that not only proves
that you have no control over your own life but also rubs your face in
the hard fact that some strangers are going to decide it. It still
happens, even though it is 2004. Let's look at the story from the young
man's point of view. I know this guy who completed his degree in
Computer Science at a respectable university and got a good job. His
parents decided he was ready to get married. So, they put an
advertisement in the matrimonial column of a leading newspaper. "Wanted
bride: Looking for a slim, fair, tall, graduate in engineering or
medicine. Non-graduates will be considered only if they have a GREEN
CARD or Citizenship to USA. For 26/Engineer." Notice how extensive the
description of the young man is! So now the hunt begins and phone calls
pour in to the mother. The first question she will ask is how
tall is she, what is her colouring? She will just write down the
numbers of the people who say their daughters are fair, slim and tall.
She will highlight the numbers of the girls who are graduates in a
professional field. Its Saturday evening and the mother has made five
appointments. She steps into the first house. Amazing house,
breathtaking dcor and the humble mother. She talks about good "Seema,"
who can cook and keep house. The mother of the engineer,
without any hesitation, scans the room she is in. Suddenly, she
interrupts Seemas mother and asks her to call her daughter. Seemas
mother gives an embarrassed smile and as she leaves the room she begins
to worry. Did I talk too much? She comes back into the room with Seema,
who is holding a huge tray filled with an assortment of desserts. In
her head the engineers mother runs through her checklist. Seema is
tall, good, she is fair, also good, but she looks a little fat. The
engineers mother asks Seema where she attended college. As she
serves the food, Seema replies. Expensive school, the engineers mother
thinks. A good dowry is definitely a possibility here! Then, she
decides its time to leave, telling Seema and her mother on the way out,
"It was good to see you, but dont feel bad if things dont work out."
The engineers mother visits all five houses, and finally decides on a
girl who is not so fair, not so tall, not so slim, and not even a
graduate, but does hold a US green card. The wedding is
arranged for weeks within the couples first meeting, but only after the
engineers mother has checked all the necessary documentation relating
to the green card. The brides mother tells the engineers mother that
she will give them 500 grams of 23-carat gold jewellery, and, of
course, all of her grandmothers diamonds. A four bedroom fully
furnished flat will follow. The dowry, although important and implied,
is not mentioned openly.Women of Hyderabad, India, go through this
everyday. It will not change unless mothers, daughters and sons realize
that getting married is divine. Falling in love is a ride in the skies.
The union of a man and a woman in love is a taste of paradise. A woman
seeks stillness in her man and vice versa and no mother can choose that
woman or man or put a price on it. Tags: india marriage Life Love women
Latest stories in Culture
Some amazing discoveries on English grammar
Something great about Adjectives and Adverbs
Proposed excavations may rewrite NE history
We can make a difference
Hegel, I Hardly Knew Ye
|
|
|
|
|
Fareeda says on 2004-03-30 20:39:32 about Good Work....
The article talks about the facts going on in many marriages ALL over India....... Well Neena, the concept of dowry came into existence with the idea that according to the traditional Hindu Law, the women were not allowed to inherit from land and property and dowry is interpreted as pre-mortem inheritance of the bride. I think since the author is talking about her experiences she did mention where it is predominant, but it does eliminate the fact that there are 1786 reported dowry deaths (according to Library of Congress), and the fact is, it is prevalent ALL over India.
Where did the idea of giving the son in law, money and property, come from? If its bribing, then yes it is bribing because lesser price will leave the woman unmarried!! Anyways, I am with you when you say every person should pledge that they would not be a part of it, in any form. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fareeda says on 2004-03-30 20:30:17 about Good Work....
The article talks about the facts going on in many marriages ALL over India....... Well Neena, the concept of dowry came into existence with the idea that according to the traditional Hindu Law, the women were not allowed to inherit from land and property and dowry is interpreted as pre-mortem inheritance of the bride. I think since the author is talking about her experiences she did mention where it is predominant, but it does eliminate the fact that there are 1786 reported dowry deaths (according to Library of Congress), and the fact is, it is prevalent ALL over India.
Where did the idea of giving the son in law, money and property, come from? If its bribing, then yes it is bribing because lesser price will leave the woman unmarried!! Anyways, I am with you when you say every person should pledge that they would not be a part of it, in any form. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Shibz says on 2004-03-30 19:13:43 about Well written!!..
Great article!!..Does make you sit up and ponder, doesn't it? But its quite true, that the state of affairs of quite a lot of marraiges are as described to a large extent.
Most of the dowry culture, comes from the ancient Indian traditions, which has been adopted by some Muslims in India. Its extremely sad, that this exists, especially the dowry culture, but I think people are moving forward. From a guy's point of view, I think men, especially the ones with higher education are more self-dependant and it is fair to expect that they should be more open in their thoughts and rational in their beliefs and customs. Such guys should distance themselves from this ancient stereotype culture, even if they are under family pressure, but standing up to it, and rejecting such irrational and sad traditional and cultural propositions.
To an answer to the what the lady mentions in an earlier comment, I think, the reason parents try to bribe the guys, is because of the insecurities they face from the existing traditions and culture, and with a sense that they want to hold their head high among their own family by ensuring that they made all proper provisions for their daughter to a successful transition to a happy married life. The husbands can still reject it by making sure that they give back everything in kind, if insisted upon accepting the material goods.
Also, as far as I know, most Middle-class marraiges in North are done this way, so the question of North or South India doesn't really exist. |
|
|
|
|
|
| Khadeja Kausar
In writing? None.
 GOD IS DEAD. HE IS NO MORE. HE IS KAPUT.There is no such thing as church law, sharia law or any other religious law. The law of the land, Government law, or International law applies. Religious entities simply do not have the legal power or authority to create or apply laws.
|
