Life after divorce?

Dear Diary.

Is there life after divorce? Alot of people going through divorce ask themselves this question. But, I have to admit that after my divorce I asked myseld that very question. How can i go on after sharing my life with someone like I had? Where did it all go wrong? How did it get this way? Divorce is a very confusing thing . You sit there and question yourself.Was it me?What could I have done to prevent it? Or why did I get married in the first place? A ton of questions,guilt and anger.

I had to do a lot of soul searching. To figure out just how I was going to get through this with my head held high. And figure out who I was as a person. After my divorce I was very angry, mostly at myself. Because I let myself get hurt. But then there was alot of feelings thrown at me. Eventually I got use to the fact that I would be no longer married to my spouse. And that I needed to focus on my life ahead. I learned that I wasn't really happy in my marriage. I really don't know why I stayed in it. Maybe it was because I got use to having someone around or I didnt want to be looked upon as a failure. I had lost who I was as a person in my marriage. I didn't know where I was going in life,what I wanted or how to go on. I got so use to being dependent on someone else.That I just existed. I wasnt living.

However, there came a moment where life pretty much kicked me in the butt. I woke up one day and I felt as if suddenly I knew all the answers. I felt releived and whole. I just said to myself this is it. No more games, no more lying to myself and stop the self pity. I decided that I would live. I refused to let the divorce drive me into bed all day long listening to sad songs and eating chocolate covered cherries. I refuse to let it beat me.

I started to do things that would heal me emotionally. I would write alot to express how I felt a certain day. If I were angry or sad I would let the emotion be written down on paper and get it out. Then eventually I learned to not dwell on the past. I began to feel more confident in myself, in my ability to do things on my own. I became a happier person.

Happiness is the one thing we all want a piece of. And we want that piece of happiness to last more than a moment. I learned that in order to be happy at all you have to be happy with yourself. You have to love the good and the bad of yourself. But, you have to be willing to change for the better.And I had to face that personally. Though it was hard to look myself in the mirror ,and it was for a very long time. I found a sense of truth and alot of answers to my life by doing this. Is there life after divorce? Definently! I can tell you that for a fact that it wont kill you and it wont be the end of the world.But to find happiness is all up to the person. Because everyone has their own meaning of happiness. It just took a while and a few mistakes to figure out my meaning of happiness and to have faith in mself again. Life after divorce isn't all that bad afteryou get through the hurt and anger. To me it's almost like I have this second chance to form my life the way I want it to be. I just hope that this second chance is the answer to what I have been looking for. Till next time....

XOXO's

Penny

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