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My Father my Friend
Ben was troubled and thought he had no friends. Then he remembered his father. |
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Simpson Review
The Simpsons movie is finally arriving in theatres near you. We waited almost two decades for this? |
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The Last Funny guy!
The Last Funny guy!
Sure, we had lots of 'em back in '07, but not so much now!
Or:
The Day The Funny Died!
Remember when it was OK to laugh?
Or:
Maybe... |
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The Legendary Feel-Good Machine
Here's my challenge: If you're not happy and want to be so, or if you're happy and want to take steps to remain so, or if you're not sure if you are as happy as you want to be . . . read on. If you're not happy and don't care, stop reading this! These ideas may threaten that miserable attitude you're possessed by now. Go away! |
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Wanna' Trade Your Citizenship For Mine?
Wanna' Trade Your Citizenship For Mine? (Walk A Mile in My Red Shoes!) If you are a citizen of a country that's not America, I wish you well! I really do! It's too bad that I can't say the same for some of your governments.
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Five years on film
Critics would point out glaring discrepencies in the script. The continuity editor would be sacked, never to work again in the industry. Never mind that the actors too seem to be a bit wooden. When they speak their dialogue, it simply doesn't ring true. Indeed, if the real life events played out on the world stage post nine-eleven were a motion picture, then the film would be a stinker, to be sure. |
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Why I hate Improv Comedy
I hate improv comedy. In this town, Chicago, it's a lot like saying you hate grass. (like stuff you find in the park, not in your drawer, Deadhead.). It's so prevalent and so part of the scene you're supposed to come to accept it. But I don't. It's at this point I should mention that I am a stand-up comic, and Improvers are the McCoys to my Hatfields. So yes, I'm quite biased. But whatever, so's the president, but no one seems to mind too much. Or at least enough. |
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The Oz Journals VI
To my way of thinking, a surf culture, be it in Bondi or Big Sur, would be lost without the automobile ( just try getting to the beach with your surfboard on a ten-speed, because it ain't happening, Moondoggie!). |
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The Oz Journals - Entry Two
Killer animals, foreign royal families, honest politicians and strange spellings - the magical Land of Oz, as in 'Australia', is proving to be a very strange place indeed for ex-pat Canadian Tom Nicholson. |
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A Tale of Two Tittys!
IT WAS the best of chests, it was the worst of chests, it was the age of love, it was the age of foolishness, it was a time of hope, it was the epoch of big cities, it was the epoch of Big Tittys, and now I was totally enthralled in a most magnificent way. |
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The British and Their Genitals
I’d like to offer a bit of an explanation for some of the inconsistencies that North Americans may feel the British suffer from in their general conversation and demeanor. |
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BLUE Vision
I gots the brain damages. Since I was twenty-five, I’ve taken more than thirty blows to the cranial area of my poor, punkin’ head. I gots the brain damages! Remarkably though, I do get the strangest ideas. I wonder if there’s a connection? |
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Opus IV: A New Hope
You thought I forgot about you, didn’t you? You’ve been sitting in your fancy office reaping the benefits of another well-read cartoon strip. The sales are piling up and the checks from another best-selling compilation of your cartoons are pouring in once again. All this has gone on without a single peep from old Andy Martello. You have been living quite the happy-go-lucky and care-free existence these days, haven’t you, Berkeley Breathed? |
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IF I Were King...
We’ve all thought it. Thinking about it doesn’t do any harm. I’m not sure about you, but I’d make a whole lot of changes. Oh, the changes you and I would make, if only, we were King of the World! |
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Advice From The Revenge Guy
Ok, I have a mate. he's a good mate who is a laugh to be around and someone I can rely on if the need arises, but the main problem is - he's a wuss. He's 17, yet still takes orders from mommy and daddy, he's afraid of getting on a bus, meaning he cant go anywhere without one of his parents to drive him. He's a wet blanket for anything fun that isn't playing with a deck of cards or on a computer (always at his house). |
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BEHIND YOUR LAUGH
Its a sound that shows fun, Its a sound that shows fun, For so many times, That plans have been made! |
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FROM WHERE I SIT: THERES STUPID FUNNY AND DUMB FUNNY
SOUTH PARK is Stupid funny, THE THREE STOOGES are Stupid funny, That show JACK-ASS (is that still on?) is/was Stupid funny. Stupid funny is NOT funny. Its contrived, ignorant of the natural laws of humor, and generally created out of lethargy of new ideas. |
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Parting Gifts
For me, there are myriad reasons why I am a professional entertainer. Ive wanted to be one since I was 10 years old and I cant imagine doing anything else with my life. Sure, Ive dabbled with other careers. Show biz is the only logical choice. |
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A Father's Wisdom: The $25.00 Monkey
Most fathers are filled with sage advice, or so I am told. My father was no exception. He was a smart guy and a funny guy. He would always have some special way to impart wisdom to his children.
Handing down advice is common among parents in general. Presumably these lines are passed down from generation to generation, however, when my father turned a wise old adage it was blatantly apparent that some phrases were Don Martello originals.
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A Write of Passage
I am pretty new to the concept of writers block. I have heard about
this affliction but otherwise I have no personal experience with the
dreaded feeling a writer gets when he cant think of... |
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"Good Show."
Hey-Hey! Try Not to Smile, Kid!Hey-Hey! Try Not to Smile, Kid! Sometimes an entertainer has to perform at some less than glamorous places. Not every gig can be the Letterman Show. These t... |
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My Own Little Opus
As this marks the end of my first month at The Cheers I feel as though I may just like this whole journalist/columnist/opinionated jerk thing. I enjoy writing and sharing my stories and ideas with a large audience. While I cannot say for sure just how many people are reading my work and how it is being received, I can say that the few comments and e-mails Ive received has made me think that it is time for me to start pushing the envelope a little bit. I need a little more from the entire experience. I need acceptance. |
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My Name is Andy, and I'm...SOBER!
As strange as this may sound, Ive never done drugs. Ive had plenty of friends that could hook me up if I so desired, but Ive had no need to smoke, shoot, or snort anything out of the ordinary. I didnt even start drinking alcohol until I was twenty-three years old. |
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Lord Winterborne's Fantasy
Unknown to many Alan Dean Foster, the author of the classic sci-fi thrillers Alien, Aliens and Alien3, also created a rare masterpiece with his 'Spellsinger' novels. |
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