posted 2004-09-18 03:19:15 News SatireWe definitely should have a bit more news satire in here. The reason I personally haven't written any is that I've always felt that there are too many "fake" news stories out there already and it is tough to write them well. Read some BAD satire and you'll agree.
I do have a satire piece coming out next week, but it satires writers and the exercizes they use to hone thier craft.Posts: 63
posted 2004-09-19 13:20:19 News SatireMary mentions the "fark" topic. That is Siim's column "My Farked Up Life" and if everyone remembers when Siim came back from vacation, he began working on the new issue. He will hopefully soon revive his column, but in the meantime anyone else is free to write a news satire article if they want.Posts: 5
posted 2004-09-20 01:02:49 he heI wouldn't really call my column news satire - just a weird nonsense (lets call things with their right names lol). I think what Mary was talking about was more like fake news. Eg. "It was just terrible" said the eyewitness after seeing a burning monkey flying out the ship window. And so on ... :D If someone is interested and capable in writing this type of weirdnews satire - let me know.
posted 2004-09-20 05:07:42 satire -Or are we thinking more Daily-Show type here? There's really two different types of satire when it comes to news... the totally fake (like The Onion) and the twisting around what is true (like the Daily Show).Posts: 63
posted 2004-09-20 07:02:37 SatireHey, it makes sense to me. That's a big part of what goes round and round and round in Internet chatrooms, on lists, on every sort of post-it page. The REAL news twisted.
The fake news is also good, funny, but... not as easily...um, marketed, right?
Someone should totally do that! Imagine all the weird news in all the corners of the world you could reach!- In a paper in my zone, "News Of The Weird" is Huuuge!Posts: 63
posted 2004-09-22 02:02:28 There will be some soonJust to let you know, I'm currently looking for people who would do the writing. So far I have received emails from 3 interested comedians. One of them already promised to send me an example story. So...
posted 2004-09-22 22:37:46 NewsFake news is a good idea. Or even stuff that is real but written up humorously.
Locally, some guy drowned not long ago when he tried to rescue some ducks in peril in a pond. The story was actually picked up from a local paper and ran in The New York Post.
Imagine all the neighborhoods this magazine could cover. Even if people just scanned their papers in the mornings and sent headlines or stories to the main column writer.
Up and coming in my neighborhood, there will be a mtg of the National Socialist Movement. (Nazis). This is a brand "new" group with only like 200 members worldwide. However, media at the event, and protestors, are expected to outnumber the actual event attendees. The mtg will be covered by an acquaintance of mine who is Jewish. That could be written, if not humrously, at least very interestingly.
The mtg is on Yom Kippur, and area residents say that is a coincidence, not intended. Actual quote: "These guys are too stupid to know about The Day of Atonement."Posts: 63
HERE... taken from http://www.prettywitty.com--- SATIRE
When domestic violence enthusiast, David Havenner decided that beating his girlfriend with his fists just wasnt getting the job done, he swung a three-foot alligatorwhich was being kept in the couples bathtubat her. Havenner was sentenced to six months in jail for misdemeanor battery and possession of an alligator. He claims the fight began when his girlfriend bit his hand because they ran out of alcohol.
In other domestic violence news, a Florida woman not only suffered a beating at the hands of her boyfriend so severe that she was hospitalized for three days, she is now being emotionally battered by an idiotic prosecutor who is charging her with slapping her abuser.
Cynthia Williams, who was repeatedly beaten by Peter Lamb Reddy until her face was fractured in several places, slapped her boyfriend after police slapped him with handcuffs. Williams was charged with misdemeanor battery for the slap.
In a move that further terrorizes her, prosecutors had the unmitigated gall to drop the case against Williams boyfriend because she didnt want to be forced into incriminating herself by testifying against Reddy.
Williams turned down a plea bargain when prosecutors offered her one year of probation and battery counseling. She will stand trial next month and faces one year in jail.
I have only two words for the twelve citizens who will be forced to hear this inane case: jury nullification.
Sane Stalker to Stand Trial
A California judge ordered this week that Dawnette Knight, accused of stalking and making threats to Catherine Zeta-Jones, will stand trial. The 33-year-old Beverly Hills woman allegedly wrote dozens of letters to Michael Douglas, making threats against his wife such as we are going to slice her up like meat on a bone and feed her to the dogs.
Knights mental competency was called into question in late July after she overdosed on barbiturates. While Knight was declared legally sane enough to stand trial, this writer would suggest that the misguided stalkers professed love of Michael Douglas alone is enough to declare her insane. In fact, Catherine Zeta-Jones should probably be compelled to undergo a court-ordered psychiatric examination as well.
No Corpse Copulation in California
Someone has finally stepped up to the plate to address a rampant epidemic plaguing the state of California. In a move that will surely make dating in Los Angeles even more difficult, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed a law terminating necrophilia.
The legislation, which had not been acted on for two years, gained momentum this year after prosecutors were unable to convict one of my fellow San Franciscans who was found drunk in a funeral home on top of a corpse. Now, sex with the dead is a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison.
Love Is a Blind Eunuch
A Romanian mans love for his wife is so blind that he refused to press charges against her after she ripped off his testicles during an altercation. Aurica Marinescu, whose scrotum was re-attached during 10 hours of surgery, said that he didnt want to cause his passionate wife any trouble by pressing charges against her.
In related news, this columnist would like to invite Mrs. Marinescu over to handle her noisy upstairs neighbor.
The Sex Appeal Stops Here
Youre about to enter a no sexy zone: Playgirl magazine, apparently lacking hard-bodied and rock hard college boys to profile, has unveiled the winners of its sexiest newscaster poll. Topping the list were Keith Olbermann, Sean Hannity, and Anderson Cooper. Those lovingly blinded by Bill OReillys bald spot were unavailable for comment. Whos looking out for them?
Little Drinking Buddy
Eric Carneys daughter can really hold her liquor. When she was tested, her blood alcohol level was .14, almost twice the legal limit in New York State.
Too bad Carneys daughter is a toddler.
Carney, charged with child endangerment, claims he gave his two-year-old daughter a sip of beer at a friends house, and she apparently liked it so much that she drank more while he wasnt looking. Carney and the beer-guzzling baby are currently being separated by an order of protection.
Hair Heist
A $100 dare led to a Pennsylvania man being sentenced to 23 months of probation and a $500 fine. 25-year-old Paul J. Goudy pleaded guilty of ripping a mans hairpiece from his head while dining at the Fisaga restaurant in Harrisburg. The 60-year-old victim said, Dont these guys have anything better to do than to rob and humiliate someone for absolutely no reason in the world? Obviously not.
And apropos of piano envy: I only stumbled on his work because our last names are so similar, but I am currently addicted to British jazz artist Jamie Cullum. He may be relatively young, and have the appearance of a teenage pixie (so much so that I almost feel the need to register as a pedophile for being infatuated with him), but he croons like a man. Aside from being amazingly talented and cute as a button, Jamie has accomplished the impossiblethat being giving me the ability to sit through an entire Jeff Buckley song without contemplating the relative merits of slitting my wrists with a razor blade versus slitting my wrists with a kitchen knife. (I know its sacrilegious to many, but for me, most of Jeff Buckleys music has all the liveliness of a Latin funeral dirge.) He will be gracing San Francisco with his presence in a few weeks, and I can guarantee that panties will be thrown on stage. I dont know what it is about a mans ass bobbing up and down a piano bench that on second thought, I do know what it is....
