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I am fairly oblivious to the many disturbing things a person must
endure as a student of the writing craft. Thankfully Ive been fortunate
enough to have both a wealth of things to write about AND a place
willing to publish them. However after receiving a recent e-mail I
count my blessings even more. My friend Kellie sent me a list of things called writing prompts. These are exercises designed to generate creativity and inspire writers to dig a little deeper into their souls. I suppose they are good things to practice, and they might help when you are stricken by writers block. Of course, after reading a few of these things, I am reminded of the old adage, those who cant, teach. The prompts she received were a gift from a credible source, Writers Digest. I believe she made the mistake of subscribing online or entering one of their contests so she now receives their special variety of SPAM. I assumed with the many competent writers on staff submitting articles for this magazine, these writing prompts are time-tested & proven methods that have no doubt saved or started many a career. However the more I read them the more I am convinced these are the tricks taught by charlatans and the methods used by very desperate people. Folks who use these things are NOT going to be publishing any best-sellers any time soon. These are people taking the creative writing classes at their local community college hoping to write their On the Road. I am confident that the people in these classes, using these prompts, are the folks that couldnt get into their local improv class and settled for writing. I shudder to think what improv studio would actually REFUSE a student. Am I being harsh? Maybe. I looked over the list of 30 prompts for the month of September and I can see where these exercises would indeed help someone get the creative juices flowing. However, lets examine the ones that are most unusual or offensive to me. Before I delve into these gems, let me say KUDOS to the man or woman that found a way to reach a payday with this crap. YOU are who I want to have as my literary agent. You are one HELLUVA sales person! I now give you a glimpse into the fledgling writers world. In RED will be the prompts as written in the Writers Digest e-mail. After each example will be my take on these little exercises. Describe your childhood home. Write down as many details as you can remember. Compare it to the location you call home now. My childhood home was big and it had a sandbox! I had my own room and I never had to worry about food nor money. Now I live in a shit-hole apartment with my cat. The place smells like burnt fudge and curry most of the time, and my neighbors have a crystal meth lab. Id like to live someplace else, but Im a writer and I am poor. I always buy tuna because thats the only thing that my cat & I can both eat. My job at Starbucks (the caf at Borders wasnt hiring) doesnt pay any of my bills, but at least I am not waiting tables. Reread your favorite book. Then try to mimic the authors voice, tone and style in an original plot of your own. OK, this is just plagiarism isnt it? I know they said an original plot of your own but really, now. Developing this skill will only help if you want to work on sit-com scripts. Hey, maybe this isnt such a bad idea after all. Let the pen lead youliterally. Create a story in which an author is led on a strange and comical quest by his or her trusty pen that comes to life one day. And then, using that pen, KILL YOURSELF! Stab yourself in the neck and end your suffering! Honestly, didnt Sid & Marty Krofft do this one in the 60s? Create an idea basket. Write down plot or article ideas on strips of paper. Fill your idea basket with future projects. Did my wife write this one? OK, I can do this. Lets seefuture projects1) Write angry letter canceling Writers Digest 2) Pick up pads for wife 3) Compose suicide noteGot it! PRICELESS!You have $50 to spend for the month. Outline your budget, explaining why youd spend money on certain items. Fifty bucks? These prompts ARE for writers! Heres the list: Bottle of Jack Daniels - $24.99, 4 packs of Marlboro Reds - $18.00, Sterling chain for 10 Year AA Token - $7.00, Not having enough money left to buy Writers DigestPRICELESS! Try writing a short mystery story. Create a detective as your main character and relay the story from her point of view. NOOOOOOO! A mystery? With a detective? Oh you're good! Youre inside an elevator and the doors wont open. Whats worse, youre claustrophobic. Write this story. I forget, did this happen to Laverne or Shirley? Spend a day in your characters shoes. Speak, dress and act like him. Take notes. Ummmmy character is fictional and doesnt exist. He has no shoes or clothes. Ill get arrested if I do this one. Wait! I COULD write about a porn star. Hmmm. Write about the family dynamics during holiday dinners or picnics. Capture the subtle and more obvious traditions your family upholds. OOH! Can we get Mike Myers, Billy Crystal, and Eddie Murphy to play all the characters? I guarantee a $50,000,000.00 opening weekend! Choose seven words. Create a poem that uses all of them. I have chosen my seven words and I have opted to write a haiku. Writing Prompts By Andy Martello My Exercises Excruciating. Pointless. Writers Digest SUCKS! Write an article that shares the writing technique tips youve found beneficial. This exercise will make you think about how your writing process works. Whyuhthats just ridiculous. Who would be able to write an article about such a thing? Want more Tales from Andy Land? Check out Andy's BLOG! AUTHOR: Andy Martello  TAGS: Cheers world america Family Love US time government living BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount 
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