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Irvin noticed this and began to laugh. When I asked what was so funny he told me that his baboon was in love with me and wanted to get to know me better. Confused, I asked him to explain himself.

I’d always heard bizarre stories about circus performers dressing up and making girlfriends of their animal stock. I was hoping this was not to be one of those instances. I was in no need for a baboon lover nor did I want to hear any lurid stories about Irvin and his lonely life on the road.

Instead there was a simple and innocent explanation. I had reddish-brown hair and a beard that matched. This particular baboon had a history of falling in love with any man with that color hair. As it was explained to me, she’d decide the guy was one HANDSOME and virile male baboon. We both got a big laugh at this event and I asked if I should alter my behavior or worry about hers.

“No. She’ll watch you very closely and try to get your attention,” he said, “She may try to hold your hand or something, but otherwise will not do anything to harm you. She just wants you to notice her.”

Seemed reasonable to me. It was a funny story and loads of fun to watch this otherwise vicious baboon become a giddy little schoolgirl around me. Having never petted a baboon before it was very cool to be able to walk hand-in-hand with one. Eventually I could set up closer to Irvin’s props and sit with her. Irvin would keep a watchful eye and I’d joke about him being our chaperone. It was just adorable.

This is how most of my rendezvous with this baboon would go over the years. I’d give her popcorn or cotton candy (It seems all girls like candy) and she’d want to sit near me and hold my hand, hoping I would return her affection. In short, it was the sweetest and most amazing animal encounter I’d had while on the road. At least MOST of the moments were sweet.

It had been a few years since the last time I saw Irvin and my lady love. The passage of time did nothing to reduce her feelings for me. In fact it had quite the opposite effect.

While setting up my props backstage, I took a moment to sit and relax. I noticed that my favorite primate was making her way towards me. She approached cautiously and nervously, as if she were about to ask me out on a date.

When she got close enough she tugged on my pant leg and looked up at me. She reached out to grab my hand. I helped her up to the bench and she sat next to me, leaning in and resting her head on my side.

There we sat, hand-in-hand, watching the world go by. When I looked into her big brown eyes she looked up at me, squeezed my hand…and began masturbating with her other hand!

She was furiously rubbing and thumping her baboon parts with every fiber of her being. She panted and grunted and made it quite clear to me that she was NOT going to live with this platonic relationship any longer! Flattering, but unsettling to say the least.

I very carefully removed myself from the situation and got Irvin. We laughed a good laugh over the event and agreed that it would be best if I avoid her until this monthly urge of hers passed. She looked back at me with a sad face as Irvin led her back to her seat. That look would follow me for the remainder of our time together.

A few years later I found myself working with Irvin one last time. When I asked him where “my girlfriend” was he told me that she had died the previous year at the age of 23.

I asked him what had happened and he explained she had a form of leukemia. However that was not what killed her. During her treatments she developed a problem with a valve in her heart and died of a heart attack.

With a smug grin he said, “I guess you can say she died of a broken heart, Andy.”

While I found the joke amusing I was of course, upset to hear the news. These things happen in the circus but you never get used to the idea of losing an animal any more than you get used to the idea of losing a family member. Irvin had that baboon since she was a baby and she was one of his best animals. I lost a truly unique figure in my life as an entertainer.