   The Cheers magazine is looking for creative people to join our forces. We are looking for Sounds interesting? Click here for more info. 
See news about Latest news
I ventured over to the locker room, towel and sundries in hand, ready to enjoy a hot and high-pressure shower. I got undressed and jumped right in. It was a big shower as mens locker rooms NEVER have individual showers like so many ladies locker rooms do (Just a bit of indignity men are forced to endure while the fairer sex enjoys modesty. A lot of mens rooms don't even have doors on the toilet stalls either. Oh the humanity.). This shower wasnt huge, mind you, but it did have one dividing 1/2 wall that provided a little privacy. As I lathered up and relished the rising temperature and the fine water pressure, I heard a distinct grunting noise from behind the partition. It was not that of some pervert pleasuring himself or anything like that. No, this was more of an animal noise. I stopped and was a little shocked to hear this sound. I walked towards the wall and was most amazed to see Gabby the Wonder Horse, walking towards me on a long tether and most assuredly more interested in being where the running water was than against the wall. I jumped back in hopes that the horse wouldnt have enough lead to steal my hot water or step on me. I've been around plenty of horses in my day but logic prevented me from walking towards him in order to shorten his lead or turn on a faucet for him. Lets face it, if he reared up and struck me, thered be a real possibility that my Mother would have to get an unusual phone call explaining that I was found naked & dead in a shower, lying next to a horse. Even though my story would get printed in The Circus Report. I shudder to think about the headline. Eventually the horse stopped, content to stay as close as he could get. He just stared at me with that stare that is common among horses. There were no other working faucets I could get to so I figured that if I was going to get a shower on this day it would have to be extra one horse. Hell, he was tied to a rail and couldnt get at me, so why not? Gabby, I said, I normally get to know someone a little more before I shower with them, but given the circumstances...you stay on your end and Ill stay on mine. It seemed like a logical thing to say. Gabby grunted afterwards and I took that as a verbal contract. Gabby just stared at me, occasionally moving and stomping his feet, walking as much as his lead would allow. I turned towards him to wash my hair and rinse with my head leaned back into the sprinkling stream of water. As I washed the soap and water from my eyes I saw...well It appeared as though he was looking at my crotch. Now I know that he probably wasnt looking there but having never showered with a horse before I thought anything was possible. It seemed likely, given the position of his neck and head, that he was staring at my crotch. Nervous and extremely self-conscious I slowly turned away from Gabby. Before I could get back to a posterior-facing position, Gabby brayed a whinny that sounded like a laugh. I know, Im just superimposing a human trait onto this scene but sometimes a horses call sounds like a laugh, dammit! I looked back at him to make sure he wasn't getting ready to do something out of the ordinary. Again I was met with a horse staring at my privates. At that point the damn horse, uh, GREW somewhat in proportion. Well a part of him did anyway. I was hoping that he wasn't getting sexually aroused. What would my Mom think if she read that I was killed in a shower by the only gay horse in all of Illinois? There's no Hallmark card for THAT occasion! The horse grew to mammoth proportions, brayed a laugh, and began relieving himself all over his section of the shower floor. I was pleased to see that he wasn't horny, but a little upset that he chose that moment to answer natures call. When he was finished, he...uh, retracted his member, took one last look at mine, and turned about with his rear now facing me. I thought it to be something of a commentary about the size of my manhood. I think just about any man would look at this gesture that way, given that were all so insecure about such things. Of course, if that wasnt a commentary from Gabby, then certainly the raised tail and the forthcoming downpour of manure WAS! His opinion was now crystal clear. No sir, he didnt like it! After a display like that, how could I be anything but humbled? I finished my shower while holding my breath and left. When I got out of the locker room Gabbys trainer stopped to warn me about the horse-infested shower. I let him know that wed already met and I had clearly lost the pissing contest. He laughed and we joked about the damage to my ego. I didn't tell him about the mess waiting for him in the shower. Later the trainer came to me and asked why I hadn't mentioned that Gabby had fouled the shower floor. I just smiled and said, Who said anything about Gabby making that mess? Near as I figured it was as close as I'd get to reclaiming some level of dignity and achievement. Andy Martello is a professional comedian, juggler & plate spinner based out of the Chicago area. His comedy recordings have been heard on 'The Dr. Demento Show' & he's been seen on 'Last Comic Standing'. Many of the works published here will be featured in his upcoming book, tentatively titled, Prose & C.O.N.S.. For more info about Andy you can check out his website at www.andymartello.com AUTHOR: Andy Martello  TAGS: Entertainment comedian comedy gay humor BOOKMARK: Digg it | Add to Del.ICIO | Add to FARK ACTIONS: Comment Save Print Register free acount 
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
